If you are open and honest with the women you are dating, playing the field can be the best way to ensure you end up in a lasting relationship.
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On the positive side, society is not always right.
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You like to date around, keep your options open, and make sure you are ready before you settle down. We get it. Unfortunately, playing the field comes with an unfortunate stigma. Those assumptions and judgments usually come with: you must be a player, lack confidence, or have commitment issues. On the positive side, society is not always right. Playing the field opens the door to many opportunities and life lessons you just do not get when you settle down without a lot of dating experience.
We believe that if you are open and honest with the women you are dating, playing the field can be the best way to ensure you end up in a lasting relationship. Here are nine reasons why playing the field plays in your favor.
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1. What you want, and what you don’t want.
Most people have a checklist they’ve created as a child, but you would rather figure it out based on real life experience. Dating helps you determine your non-negotiables because you experience multiple personalities, behaviors, and characteristics. You know that no one is perfect, so having this experience also helps you to determine what you can live with and what you can live without. You can get in tune with yourself and your needs to help you understand what you are looking for to ensure a lasting relationship.
2. Don’t waste time.
You know new relationships go from zero to sixty, and how often those relationships fail. You are in tune with your feelings, so you know quickly into dating where the relationship is going to go. The longer a relationship that you know is not what you are looking for continues, the more likely the other party will be hurt. You’re not the bad guy; you’re just looking for love.
3. Less expensive.
The more serious the relationship is, the more gifts bought and vacations booked. Clearly, dating is not cheap, but it will cost you less than a relationship that is not going to work out anyway. You still need to save for your future Mrs. She is going to be worth it.
4. More adventurous.
Dating helps you get outside of your comfort zone. Since you are not home stuck in a routine, you will be getting out and trying new things. You can’t take all of your dates to the same restaurant or the same park, so you are forced to get out and explore. You’ll spend your days thinking outside the box, and when the right one does come along, you’ll be ready to have a fun relationship with her.
5. Freedom.
You get to live for yourself. You don’t have to answer to or be accountable to anyone else besides yourself. This is your time to get to know yourself, and enjoy your company. We know you’re looking for the right woman, and because you are taking your time, you will still feel free when you find her.
6. Need vs. want.
You are independent in nature; that is why it is so important for you to be sure before you settle down. By dating around, you build confidence in who you are and what you have to offer. That means when you do finally make the big commitment; it is because you want her, not because you need her.
7. More open minded.
Dating helps you to eliminate the things you thought you wanted, and make room for the things you want. You gain a great sense of what it takes to have a lasting relationship, and a big part of that is compromise. Dating helps you to learn that it’s not always all about you, and how to appreciate her.
8. Better communication.
The more you date, the more you are forced to have a conversation and get to know the person across the table from you. Dating helps you to learn the different styles of communication and how you can speak to be heard. You also learn how to listen to her needs and desires, which are incredibly important.
9. When you know, you know.
This is the best part. At this point, you have spent enough time getting to know yourself, what you want and don’t want. And, you have also spent enough time learning about women and how to appreciate them. You will meet that one special woman, and there will be no doubt in your mind that she is the one for you.
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Photo: Flickr/ David Domingo
I agree with most of what is in the article. The one thing I question is as long as you’re honest with her. Not that I’m suggesting anyone be dishonest, but I’m curious as to where that comes in. I always assume that I’m not exclusive with a woman unless we agree to be exclusive. The agreement may not necessarily need to be an explicit conversation, but there has to be some indication that there is a commitment. Do women normally assume that when a man asks her out, he’s agreeing to an exclusive relationship unless otherwise stated?
John I would ,but it seems many women in America are used to men and women dating several people at the same time.
“I always assume that I’m not exclusive with a woman unless we agree to be exclusive.”
Do you prefer to be exclusive? I would never date a woman and we not be exclusive.
@ Jules I think it depends on the stage of the relationship. Prior to the relationship, I don’t know why anyone would care. Let’s say she sets up a first date with me 8 days from now. She meets another guy and sets up a first date with him 10 days from now. Why would I be upset? She shouldn’t have to put her life on hold for me. Let’s say we’re on date number 4. We’ve had sex once. I’m thinking that we’re moving toward an exclusive relationship. I would prefer and probably act as if we had an… Read more »
“Prior to the relationship, I don’t know why anyone would care.” Agree. There is no relationship. When it comes to sex….Here is how I proceed. Before we engage in sex, I am going to ask her about the nature of the relationship she is seeking. If she views it as a casual type deal, then I will not have sex with her. I don’t do casual dating. If she says she IS looking for something serious AND I feel she is “good enough” then I will have sex with her passionately..However, I will make it clear that our relationship must… Read more »
“Why would you think this? If she is dating other men, you would not think she is having sex with them as well?” I’m talking from my perspective not her’s. She might be seeing other men. She might already believe we’re in an exclusive relationship after the second date. I’m probably going to start treating it as exclusive although I don’t believe that it is at this time so I wouldn’t hold it against her if she saw another guy. That mean I’m probably not going to ask any other women out on dates, but if I win the raffle… Read more »
Yes, alls you have to say is hey im going on dates w other lady’s trying to find the right one ..at least she knows not to get attached. Yes for sure if you plan on sleeping around ..no one wants to catch anything.. and if she thinks yall are dating she will be hurt …honesty is the best ..you may have less drinks tossed in your face if your honest. And if she has an issue she can hit the road …if you dont want her to go then it looks like you have a choice to make
“On the positive side, society is not always right..” Agree. “Playing the field opens the door to many opportunities and life lessons you just do not get when you settle down without a lot of dating experience.” It says nothing about the quality of those experiences. People seem to think that “playing the field” or “dating around” or bed hopping is always good. This is simply not the case. You are making the false assumption that all these experiences create personal growth. I beg to differ. Let’s take compromise for example. This is something you should know from childhood. You… Read more »
Hi Jules
I agree 100% with you here with nearly everything you say here except that it is so much easier for women to do this bed jumping than it is for men.
In my part of the world we often have more women than men murdered and the reason is that some men kill their partner or girlfriend when she wants to leave .
In other words ,bed jumping can be quite dangerous for women here.
@ Silke,
“In my part of the world we often have more women than men murdered and the reason is that some men kill their partner or girlfriend when she wants to leave .”
Strange. Are the men who kill these women of immigrant origins? Is it the same in Denmark and Sweden?
Articles like this are utterly blind to the fact that men do not have the same dating opportunities as women. At least not here in America.
Jules
It is not politically correct here to write about the man’s origin ,if he is an immigrant, Muslim or from third world countries.
Maybe the police do not register it ,just like the police do not register if the woman was a girlfriend ( in romantic relationship with the man).They seem to only ask if they were married,ex, or cohabiting ,,
We need more research on partners killing each other.
When a woman leaves a man,then she is at risk.
“Your not the bad guy , you’re just looking for love”
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No, that is not true!