Politics of Love

When it comes to politics and love, if you feel really strongly about your political views, you shouldn’t waste your time dating outside of your political party. You’re only asking for trouble.

Healthy debates can quickly devolve into personal attacks and do some serious damage to your relationship. It’s hard to avoid when many of the hot button political issues hit close to home.

But let’s say you’re a staunch republican, and you fall madly in love with a hardcore democrat. Obviously you didn’t take my advice…

Can you make your relationship work in spite of your wildly different political views? And how can you deal with the inevitable rising tensions as election day fast approaches?

If you and your significant other have opposing political viewpoints you’re going to face challenges in your relationship. Especially if you’re both passionate about those viewpoints. It’s not easy to manage, but it’s not impossible.

Here are a few things you can do.

Don’t take it personally

Political discussions about your viewpoints shouldn’t be anything more than a discussion. You can’t possibly agree on everything and I’m sure there are plenty of times when you simply have to agree to disagree. You may have to take this approach with politics.

Like your pizza topping preferences. Can you agree to disagree? Can you compromise on toppings? Can you order a half-and-half pizza? Can you each try something new?

Can we all agree that anchovies are the de-ville?

Thin or thick crust? Do you like crust or think it belongs in the trash? When will they invent a corn dog stuffed crust or cinnamon bun stuffed crust?!

Can you see how these tastes are personal preferences and not personal attacks? I knew you could!

Focus on what you have in common

Despite the fact you’re looking at each other across the political aisle, there are probably some issues where you both agree. When things start getting heated, try to focus on common ground.

Join the NRA together. Go to a Pride parade together. Go to a your local Town Hall Meeting together. Celebrate and champion local initiatives you support and need help to make change.

Don’t talk about it

If you know political debates quickly devolve into personal attacks and nasty arguments, stop talking about politics.

Simply not discussing politics is an option you can exercise as often as you like, especially if you want to preserve your relationship.

Easier said than done, right? If this was a huge stumbling block when you met, you never would have gotten together in the first place, right? Or it was one of those tricky personality things most people seem to overlook in that heady, “hooking up cuz they’re hot” phase of the relationship.

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to stand back and do an inventory on your beloved and who they really are as a PERSON and not just a red-hot-lover dujour and decide if the way they view the world and life lines up with what YOU value.

Remember why you fell in love in the first place

It’s kind of a package deal and it’s unlikely you’re going to love everything about your partner. Unless you’re passionately involved in politics and employed at your local government center, this may not be a life altering issue for you.

Certain issues can cause tension and opportunities for discussion. When thing get difficult remember all the things you love about your partner. There’s a reason you fell in love with them in the first place.

All your quirky commonalities, the way they take care of you, how they get all your references and your sense of humor, how you get the inner workings of each others brains, support, encourage and inspire each other, and are glad to come home to each other, literally and/or metaphorically.

The whole really is greater than the sum of its parts.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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