If this is you, you probably feel guilty, ashamed, and maybe that there’s something wrong with you. You have a new baby! Everyone says that’s a good thing — babies are great!
It’s okay if you don’t feel like that. I promise.
Here are some key actions you can take right now if you’re not feeling great:
1. Ground yourself
Take five slow breaths. Close your eyes. What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you touch? Open your eyes again and look around. What can you see that’s important to you? By doing this, you bring yourself back into the present, and not trapped with unhappy thoughts
2. Challenge your thoughts
If you’re thinking you can’t cope, aren’t worthwhile, are a bad parent…ask yourself “Is that true?” Chances are, it’s not true really, but it is how you feel right now. By challenging our thoughts we can gain a different view on things
3. Tell someone you trust
This might be your partner. It might be a friend, your mum, dad, brother, sister…someone. It is important you let someone know how you feel. Because you don’t have to do this alone.
If You Aren’t Happy, Do You Have Postnatal Depression?
Maybe. You’d be in good company if you do — a whopping 17.2% of the world’s population was found to experience it. If you go to a parents group with your new bub, chances are there’s someone there with it.
But let’s be clear, postnatal depression is more than what’s jovially termed the ‘baby blues’, which is a very common experience. The baby blues are probably (but they’re not exactly sure) due to the hormonal changes your body is going through following the pregnancy, labour, having a new baby, maybe breastfeeding…it’s a LOT.
The baby blues will make you feel overwhelmed, anxious, cause mood swings and bring you to tears easily. But they don’t last more than a few days.
What’s Postnatal Depression Then?
Everyone experiences symptoms of postnatal depression (PND) differently. How bad it is for you doesn’t need to match how bad it is for anyone else. It’s what you are going through that’s important. Also, while it is far more common in women, men can experience PND too.
You might have changes in your mood:
· Feeling sad, hopeless, and cry a lot
· Feeling disconnected to your baby and loved ones
· Feeling isolated and lonely
· Feel angry or easily irritated
· Have thoughts of harming or killing yourself
You might have changes in your behaviour:
· Lacking energy or motivation
· Appetite changes
· Increased risky behaviours (overspending, gambling, substance use)
· Urges to hurt yourself or your baby
You might have changes in your relationships:
· Withdrawing from friends and family
· Little or no interest in activities that used to make you happy
If you’re reading this, and you feel alone, worthless, ashamed, overwhelmed, or anything similar:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
There are people you can call who can help.
And please, if you are considering harming yourself or your baby- stop reading and call an ambulance now. Paramedics are great, and will get you to a hospital safely so you can get the help you need. It’s okay to not be okay.
What to Do About Postnatal Depression
It is important you talk to a trusted healthcare provider as soon as possible if you think you’re experiencing PND. It’s such a normal experience for parents to go through that there are going to be a lot of ways they can help you.
As with depression not connected with a new baby, help with PND may include:
· Counselling
· Behavioural Therapy
· Medication
You are the most important person in this process. It’s about finding what works for you.
The three steps I outlined at the start of this post are very useful tools to keep in mind every day. Here’s a reminder:
1. Ground yourself
2. Challenge your thoughts
3. Tell someone how you feel
Because here’s a truth people don’t talk about enough:
Newborn Babies are HARD
But oh so cute, right? Photo by Daniel Thomas on Unsplash
That’s right! Babies come into your life and turn it upside down.
They cry a lot.
They stop you sleeping.
They never give you a break.
They stop you having time to exercise.
They stop you having time to cook and clean.
They make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing.
It’s totally okay to feel overwhelmed. Everyone does. But no one really talks about it much.
YOU AREN’T ALONE
…
Do you have any tips for new parents?
Do you have your own story about Postnatal Depression you can share?
I would love to hear about them!
I’m an aspiring author with over 10 years of experience in healthcare. I write about parenting, mental health, and my own creative fiction. If you’d like to see more of what I write, please follow me.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com