Practical Ways to Use Criticism to Empower You

The only way to avoid criticism is to never do anything. Because if you ever try anything in life, you’ll face criticism eventually.

Some of this will be internal. But we at least have some power to control, or work on controlling, this.

External criticism is more tricky. We can’t hope to control what’s said to us, only how we process and respond to it.

And criticism can suck. It has the power to hurt our feelings, damage our idea of ourselves, and knock our confidence.

And if we’re not careful, we can develop negative and even potentially toxic coping mechanisms without even realising. We’ll grow defensive, avoidant, and sometimes just deluded.

If, that is, we let it.

Like it or not, criticism is necessary for growth. Learn from my mistakes and save yourself time.

What is criticism?

Like the sweet psychological Neapolitan it is, criticism generally comes in three flavours:

Constructive
Blunt
Rude

Any can be growth-oriented, aimed at making you better, and useful. But the delivery can make it hard to hear. Or too indirect to highlight a point.

And it comes in many forms. Some people do it directly by addressing something head on, (“I don’t like your shirt”). Some people go indirect, (“I really like the shirt you wore yesterday”). And some people dress it up as unsolicited advice (“When I pick out my shirts, I like to…”).

You get the point.

So if you’re letting a fear of potential criticism stop you from venturing outside your comfort zone, you’re actively hurting your chances of improving.

Because there’s no growth in the comfort zone.

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” — Aristotle

An open mind and an open spirit invites development and cultivates experience.

Easier said than done? Here’s what to try.

Filter, but not how you think

Effective feedback can come from anywhere. Even people you don’t like. It’s on you to keep your eyes and ears open for it.

Forget the source. Treat all criticism as neutral, and ask yourself these questions:

Who is giving it to me and what are their motivations?
Am I reacting emotionally because it’s touched a nerve?
Have I said similar things to myself about this before?
Have I heard this from other people before?
Do I fundamentally agree with it (and if not, why not)?

Try to steal man people’s reasons for giving you the feedback. What if they’re right? What if I’ve missed it?

You’re trying to make connections, and highlight blind spots.

Forget ideas of good and bad. Think only in terms of useful v useless

Most people are bad at giving feedback.

From specificity to subjectivity, there are myriad reasons. And this is made worse by the fact most people aren’t great at receiving feedback either. Normally they just reject or reframe.

So be brutal with yourself and ask: can I learn from this?

It isn’t about power. Or rather, not how you think. Someone pointing out something you did wrong doesn’t make them better than you, as we may feel. It empowers you. Because now you know what to fix.

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body; it calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” — Winston Churchill

Can this go too far?

You obviously don’t have the brain power or mental bandwidth to process every piece of criticism you get.

Especially if you’re going to put yourself into a domain like social media or writing online, where your ideas have the constant possibility to go viral. And virality means your content leaves the safety of your community and enters ‘the real internet’.

But as a writing mentor of mine told me recently, sometimes people are just trolling. There’s no point biting back or taking it on board. Just feel bad for them. It can’t be nice walking around with all that hate in you.

Then move on with your life.

Learn to laugh at yourself

Self-deprecation is a superpower.

Because people who can take a joke and laugh at themselves are refreshing to be around. They’re fun. They’re magnetic. They take the stress out of life by reminding us to find joy in the everyday.

Plus, it’s a desirable trait. If someone in the group can allow themselves to be the butt of a joke for the benefit of everyone’s enjoyment, that’s a selfless act of friendship.

If you can laugh of criticism that would send others into a rage or a negative tailspin, you’ve already won. Anything else is a bonus.

Ponder the gap to greatness

No matter how much you annoy someone, they’re never going to know how annoying you truly can be if you want to be.

So when someone says something to you or about you, frame it as a drop in the ocean. There’s plenty more about you to not like, and they didn’t mention that. So maybe they don’t know you well enough for their criticism to matter.

“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, “He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.” — Epictetus

Befriend the impostor

I used to feel like an impostor at work. Like at any moment people would figure out I didn’t know what I was talking about and had somehow blagged my way into my job.

One day they’d arrive with security, ‘this way please Mr Charles’, and Bob from HR would hand me my papers and a box to clear my desk.

It’s easy to see this as anxiety and a sign you’re not cut out for the job you have. I chose to see it as my brain wanting me to be my best.

Take that mentality with criticism too.

So when someone points out something you missed or got wrong, simply think, “Good, now I know. Now I can improve. I’m one step further ahead of the impostor. Thank you.”

Revenge is a dish best served appreciatively

Is there any better way to prove a critic wrong than to take their criticism and make yourself stronger?

Many people do the opposite. They double down on the error and only prove that the critic was right.

Run that thought process through: anyone giving you feedback is either coming from a place of love (they want you to grow) or hate (they want you to know you suck).

But be smart. Regardless of the intent, why change your response? Doesn’t it serve you either way to respond by applying the lesson?

Don’t let your ego blind you to a valuable lesson. Apply the experience and wowee, that’s superhero shit. What kind of jiu-jitsu is this?

Assume positive intent, even if you suspect it’s the opposite. And who knows, you might end up making a friend for life.

“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” — Marcus Aurelius.

Separate the art from the artist

Our actions, our output, our art; they are not us.

Are we our thoughts? Are we our memories? Are we even really here?

These are the mighty questions, and they’ve stumped philosophers and holy people for millennia. Don’t add to the issue by taking criticism of your work as criticism of you.

The best cure for a bad article is to write a new one. The best salve for a bad day at work is going in tomorrow and getting on with things.

You are not your failure. But you are how you respond to things.

Imagine how many opportunities have already presented themselves to you and you didn’t take them because of potential criticism.

But there’s plenty more where that came from. Which is a good thing. Because without criticism, we can’t grow. And if we’re too scared to face it, we’re closing the door on becoming who we were born to be.

Get out there and get some!

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Want to read more leadership articles? Here are some good places to start:

The Secrets to Writing Online Consistently

Don’t Waste Time Worrying About Being Productive. Master These Easy Habits and You’ll Be Productive anyway

Leadership Is Like Working Out

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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