Question: What is the opposite of sex as a form of expression of a commitment to a compassionate loving relationship?
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Answer: Sexual Assault. Is sexual assault just one more social problem to feel bad about? Is it one of those problems that you can feel good about having no problem being against, no or little guilt about being a part of? Please think again. I need to think again. As long as I have a Y chromosome, I can’t escape my connection to rape.
I have never had a single thought of wanting to touch anybody in a way that wasn’t okay with them, other than in a fight. I never went looking for fights. They just come to me, just like they come to about every man. Just like sexual assault comes to just about every women, unsolicited. It nearly always comes in the form of a man. When it comes, it is never just.
Male sexuality can be compared metaphorically to a free radical molecule.
Unbounded with compassionate love, it can be a weapon of mass destruction. Male sexuality can bond with a desire to feel better by having ultimate power over someone else. Ripped tissues, lifelong post traumatic stress disorders, betrayed trust all part of the feeling better through having power male complex. Male sexuality fused with compassionate loving, on the other hand, can catalyze great joy, awe, ecstasy, tranquility, peace, spiritual transcendence. Stuff in the world that there is just too little of.
I believe that one of the most insightful perspectives on what is wrong with the World, is a human evolutionary one. It is one that suggests the problem and the solution to most of the ills that plague humanity reside on the Y sex chromosome.
The problem is sexual assault. The solution is pair bonding.
There is no island for a man to live right now to be free of rape potential, but on every shore is potential for working to free the world from Rape Culture. My trying to get this submission approved for posting by The Goodmen Project is a small example of such an effort, that could contribute another voice to a very important to the Planet conversation.
I feel grateful and fortunate that my genetic makeup and socialization experiences have never conspired to trigger a single plan of sexual assault by me thought. I claim no moral purity for this fact. I wish that it did exempt me from concern about preventing sexual assaults by others, but it does not. I would much rather keep to myself on this issue. I would much rather think of each of my Brothers as being their own keepers when it comes to sexual assault impulses.
I wish that I could write better. I don’t want to sound shaming. I don’t want to “preach to the choir” of men whose sexual assault prevention awareness is highly evolved. I don’t want to have my sentences be marathon runners going on and on, and on, about my struggles to write serve to showcase my trouble being concise. I want to engage readers with humor, but worry that my attempts at humor may lead some readers to think that I consider something about sexual assault to be funny.
The Goodmen Project has good editors. I would rather not assault them with my prose. I would rather just go about my business. I know better. The Goodmen Project reaches out to verbally challenged men like myself, inviting us in to the conversation. If you are reading this piece, it is because GMP editors consider sexual assault prevention to be a critical issue in the future of humanity. If there is a thought here that inspires you. You are welcome. If there is something that I left out or lacks clarity, please remember that no editor is perfect. Please remember to keep speaking out against sexual assault.
Your opening question and answer is a false binary, you erase the possibility of women as sexual assault perpetrators (see here: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/rape-is-not-a-joke-unless-a-man-is-the-victim/) and you carry forward the “rape culture” narrative that even feminists have argued is false and toxic (http://www.iwf.org/blog/2800151/Maverick-Feminist-Wendy-McElroy-Takes-on-Campus-Rape-in-a-New-Book-).
This argument is way too simplistic and lacking in nuance.
When it comes to forcible rape I agree that we should never say never as to the possibility of the perpetrator being female. Very, very, very rare as far as I know though. I would argue that feminists are diverse in their opinions. I do not know if more women who consider themselves to be feminists find the concept of “rape culture” to be a helpful one vs a toxic one. I had just read the book “Asking for It” by Kate Harding, before I wrote this article. It was published in 2015, so I know the term is still… Read more »
I need to think again. As long as I have a Y chromosome, I can’t escape my connection to rape. One question. How? How does having a Y chromosome connect you to rape? I ask this question because I’ve noticed something. Despite that fact that a tiny fraction of the overall male population are sex criminals it is still said that by merely being male you are connected to rape. That you may be a rapist. That you have an a gender bound obligation to stop rape. It is one that suggests the problem and the solution to most of… Read more »
I agree with most of opinions that you expressed in your comments in response to my article. What I don’t agree with is your assertion that I presented a solution that would prevent sexual assault. Therefore I don’t understand what you last sentence means. I remain very male positive. I agree that it is a very small percentage of men, who would even want to touch someone for sexual gratification who didn’t want to be touched or who would ever consider using body parts associated strongly with sexual gratification to harm another person. It is highly speculative on my part… Read more »
If, as you say you’ve never had a single thought of wanting to touch anybody in a way that wasn’t okay with them, then you aren’t a potential rapist. Maybe look into one of your colleagues giving you some counseling for your misplaced guilt. Saying that all men are potential rapists is unacceptable misandry.
I am quite familiar with the opinion you are expressing. I think it is valid. I feel fortunate to be the recipient of Y chromosomes. I think it is unnecessary for men who do not and would not ever sexually assault anyone, to go around feeling guilty because some men do. My main point was that sexual assault is a social problem which doesn’t get adequate attention, with wide ranging serious consequences.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.