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Voices standing up to sexual harassment defined the cultural reckoning of 2017, arising initially in the entertainment world. However, this cross-cultural awakening cascades from Washington DC, through corporate America, to Hollywood. Brave voices stood up to their abusers and disclosed the pervasive culture of imposed silence for at least the last century or more.
What must we do to make this stop? That’s what the victims of abuse want more than anything. Not advisory boards. No additional bureaucracy. More than justice, they want all this to end. Just stop.
How do we change an unkind culture where some of those in power feel entitled to treat others any way they please? Ellen Degeneres says,” Be kind to one another.” Yeah, that can be the place to start. Practice kindness to one another. Have compassion for others. We really don’t know what is going on inside another person.
Perhaps compassion starts with actually “getting” another person. We all want to be gotten.
Werner defines the phenomenon of getting another in the story of his intervention with the last group of Irish paramilitaries at the request of a Catholic Nun. The group was the last armed holdout of the Irish-Catholic conflict in England. Werner agreed to meet with the Leaders. He asked each of them, “What is going on here?” One by one, each man told the same exact story over and over and over and over again.
Bewildered, Werner told the facilitator that he didn’t know how he could make a difference here. So he went home and looked at what had occurred.
He got it. The Leaders kept saying the same thing over and over and over again, because “They never had the experience that someone got it.” That someone actually got who they are. This resonates with me too. I so hate repeating myself when I experience being misunderstood–not being gotten.
Compassion is never about us and them. It’s never about I’m better than you. Compassion is getting who other people are and who they can be in the world. Compassion is our baseline, the reminder that we are really more or less the same. Only then do we have the greater listening of another, listen for what’s possible within them. In compassion, others don’t have to earn our respect. We grant others respect out of love.
Human decency isn’t that hard. Have compassion for others. Be kind to others. Grant others respect.
However, making it seem simple requires a lot of practice. That’s something Sensei Dan taught me in Aikido. Translation: Just train. Train to be kind, to have compassion, to have respect. Train to be humble.
I’ve had conversations with my dear friend John about the nature of culture. He said that culture is very hard to change. What you can change is structure, the foundation of culture. Structure determines culture. The structural integrity of a culture is its values.
We can redefine the values of the pervasive or dysfunctional culture. Redefine from entitlement to one of mutual respect. Redefine from consumed self-interest to “fostering the completion of everyone’s journey”. Again, this is simple. Yet, simple ain’t easy. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Practice every day.
The possibility of becoming greater than you know is everyone’s birth right. Be generous. See and listen to others and you as greater than they know.
What is the possibility of the greater culture? Who knows? It begins with who we choose to be. Cheryl reminds me: “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Have your life make a difference.” Look at greater than you know you to be rather than figuring out “greater”. Sensei Dan said, “Just train.” He inspired the greater within me. Hopefully, that inspires you as well.
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