The more I am able to do ‘successfully’, the more confident I become.
Sometimes tho it feels like I am not good enough & won’t be able to do it.
But I know that is just a fear of trying, and my internal sloth which doesn’t want to move its ass.
And when I try, sometimes I don’t get what I hope/want but when I keep trying, there comes a day (30/09/24) when things fall in place so smoothly & everything just happens so easily that I wonder if this was the day I was living for.
What happened today? Just few simple things.. I thought I would make ‘aloo ki sabzi’ today morning but there were no aloos. I had a choice to not make the sabzi or go get the aloo. I went ahead with the latter. And in a series of events from buying aloo, to making sabzi and an unexpected conversation while making sabzi made me realize that what can happen next is truly beyond our imagination. We can just do what we feel like doing and believe that it will be amazing. Case in point, it was amazing. Not just the experience but the sabzi also turned out to be pretty good. 🍒 on top.
Next I went out for some work and had an eye-opening epiphany (it’s a little personal so not writing here) and then when I came back I had been postponing some repair work at home for some time but since the first 2 reluctant efforts turned out great (didn’t think about it at that time), I decided to revive my long lost relation with urban company for the plumber problem. The plumber was supposed to come in evening but I was hoping that I would get done with all this work by lunch so that I can focus on other work. But anyway, I booked the slot for evening and you know what happened next? The plumber called and since he was nearby he wanted to come in early.
This feeling I call bliss (yes, copied & modified) hihi
I was done with 3 successful tasks well before lunch (very coincidentally) to enjoy the rest of my victorious day.
In this pursuit of happyness, I have come to realize that my fear of failing comes from either not knowing enough or not willing to try enough so that I don’t have to face failure. But I can and will never know the beauty of success if I will never know to try.
And how to try? Just keep pushing (yes copying dory and no not the literal pushing). Pushing yourself to do what you think you should do but are either scared or pretending to be lazy when you are scared 😀
It will not be rosy every time, sure, but then some times, it will be!
And it will definitely resurrect your faith [if nothing else ;)] in life & hope & knowing that life is the most beautiful and natural when you start enjoying the rosy and un-rosy alike. Isn’t that how life is designed and intended to be lived? Joy & suffering as parts of living? The waves? The ups & downs?
Did you know, I realized just today that the word Heart has Art in it. And yes, he too but since she is not there I am ignoring it 😛 (Equals, right?)
I have been talking about heart and art for some time now, and just today, after all this while, I realize this.
I will call myself stupid. But also know that by stupid I don’t mean any harm. It’s just my way of saying how silly, what else was I not paying attention to!
Not that I am sad that I realized it today, it’s just a pleasant surprise, is what this is.
There’s a light at the end of a tunnel, they say…
This day I think was that light I have been waiting for since I started tunneling! 😀
No, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t have any other good days or good moments but they somehow sort of felt incomplete. Maybe because I was hoping to have good things come my way.
Today was completely different. Today, I didn’t expect to have a good day or good time. I just was doing whatever came naturally to me and it turned out to be so much more than good. I am going out on a ledge here and say perfect. Not because I did a lot today but because it didn’t seem like work at all.
None of it. That is just how happy I am today.
And I really wish for you to feel this too. This bliss.
In your own ways of course.
So I wish, that you also be blessed with such a day where every thing you do brings you immense unfiltered joy, and nothing feels forced, unwanted or obligated.
Amen! (:
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Viva Zhang On Unsplash
