—
Last week, I heard a middle-aged white man say to a woman of color, in response to hearing her innovative ideas, “I don’t feel the need to personally raise my consciousness on this topic.” And I felt the entire room of people stiffen.
Now that I got your attention with the opener, I’ll give a little more info. The entire scene really happened in only a few moments.
A woman presented a draft of a public talk. I’m doing one as well, and that’s why I was in the room. My talk is on the masculine/feminine balance within each person. Her talk is on reparations needing to include more than money or a paycheck.
A man was giving her feedback after hearing her full talk, said his wife works with “the blacks and the Latinos” and talks to him about these things all the time, so he specifically did not see a need for himself to raise his consciousness in the areas she was talking about. And I have no idea what else he said because, at that point, my entire head got hot.
I thought, “Did he just say that?!” And I began looking around the room.
We live in a progressive town.
We were in a progressive event.
A white man, saying to a black woman – I have nothing to learn from you.
First of all, he actually said this.
Second of all, he showed no signs of awareness that he should not have said this.
I was really looking for signs that I’d misheard him, or that he could see maybe he’d misspoken, but I didn’t see any such indicators.
And finally, with the segment for feedback very short, I broke the rules of only one person giving feedback per speaker, and I gave the designated feedback-giver some feedback. And I said, knowing I had only a moment for a soundbite, “Excuse me, I just need to say, that you saying that you don’t feel the need to raise your consciousness is exactly the issue here.” It is the same root of the same problems she was talking about. This woman didn’t need me speaking for her, which I wasn’t trying to do, and she was speaking for herself just fine. And, I chose in that moment to say something, because I decided a long time ago that I’m not going to be silent.
I’m not sure that the way I did it – quickly and heated – actually lead him to learn anything, or if it just looked like another angry woman speaking in a biting tone to an unsuspecting man.
I am pro-man and pro-masculinity, hear me now. And I will also say that the privilege to make that comment, the privilege to feel that one does not need to raise his consciousness, is the privilege that men need to be aware of. This default thinking perpetuates so much ignorance, when if instead the line of thinking was something more like, “Please, share with me your experience so that I can raise my consciousness in this area,” then we’d really all be better off.
I’d like for men to share with me, honestly, their experiences so that I can raise my consciousness about their experience.
I’d like for us all to ask this of one another. “Please, will you help me to understand? Will you share your stories so that my understanding might grow? I’d love to learn from you based on the life you’ve lived, how can I better listen?”
Let’s seek to understand. Let there never, ever, be a lid on our consciousness. Ever.
—
What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!
RSVP for Intersectionality Calls
—
Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo courtesy iStock Photo.