Doyou struggle with caring too much when it comes to other people? Have you been described as an empathetic person?
When you think of empathy, you think of it as a good thing. When you can view a situation from someone else’s perspective it’s mostly a positive trait to have.
But there are times when being more empathetic for people can be toxic and damaging to yourself.
Know the warning signs and how you can protect yourself.
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What is empathy?
Empathy is when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
In most cases, having empathy is a good thing. It means you can relate to someone else which further aids in building relationships.
Empathy has been debated among neuroscientists and psychologists but in this scientific study, a consensus among both has found that empathy is when individuals exhibit the following:
- An understanding of what the other person is going through
- Your own feelings about the situation
- Shared feelings for what the other person is feeling
- Being able to differentiate yourself from the other person
What you need to know: Empathy involves feelings and recognizing when someone else is going through a difficult situation.
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When does being empathetic towards others become harmful to yourself?
The tipping point when empathy becomes problematic is when you begin to lose sight of the situation happening to the other person — not you.
You lose sight of an emotional boundary.
You may witness your friend experiencing deep emotions. Then you start carrying them yourself as though the situation is happening to you when it’s not.
You begin to feel deep emotional anguish.
In worst-case scenarios, you become more anxious or depressed yourself.
Because you are so caught up with what’s happening to someone else, feeling these troubles so deeply, you may even become withdrawn from that person.
This is when having too much empathy becomes toxic to yourself and your life.
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Why is compassion better for you than empathy?
Compassion and empathy are two different things.
Compassion is the cure for empathy.
Compassion goes beyond identifying with the feelings of others in traumatic moments, but compassion takes action.
Instead of getting stuck in the emotions of the situation, having compassion means you take action to help that person out.
Your action through compassion begins to alleviate some of the struggles the other person is going through.
You exhibit compassion when you make dinner and drop it off for them. You’re compassionate when you run to the store to get their groceries because they are too devastated to get out of bed.
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What can you do to develop a compassionate mindset?
Begin by developing self-compassion.
In difficult moments when you feel self-doubt, experience unexpected obstacles, or discover disappointment remind yourself to breathe.
Take a pause.
Loving yourself in hard times begins to strengthen those mental muscles to be more compassionate in life.
Practice positive affirmations. Recite phrases such as, “I am strong” or “My energy will fulfill my dreams.”
Look inward first as a way to take action to improve your situation.
If you can begin to build up self-compassion, you can foster a mindset ready to see opportunities to be compassionate towards others as well.
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It’s good to emotionally identify with others and be empathetic.
But it gets to a dangerous point when we lose sight of the need to take action and be compassionate.
Life will continue to throw difficult events at you.
The key is not to get buried under all the emotions. Remember the cure for yourself is to take action.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and engage with my articles. I truly appreciate your support.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Mag Pole on Unsplash
Allison: I appreciate your insights around empathy. I used to teach it to business people at companies like IBM and took a slightly different slant. My aim was to get people to show empathy through their words, tone of voice, and attitude. But not emotionally fuse with them as you warn. Dr. David Schnarch recommends differentiation instead. So I’m a little concerned that you propose taking action is compassionate. Sometimes caring from a distance is better in my experience so I don’t get sucked in.