After tucking the kids in bed for quiet time, my husband and I made our way for a quiet stroll around the block. Meeting friends along the way, they questioned where our children were. It was approaching 9:00 p.m. They questioned how our children could be safely in bed and we questioned how they managed with theirs playing boisterously as the moon rose.
Everyone is welcome to their different parenting styles. For us, the time and space in the peace and tranquility of the evening air, separate from the kids, with all of us taking a moment to ourselves is essential.
In a culture where immediate gratification seems an increasing demand on all ages of society, the need for solitude is becoming more apparent.
. . .
My curiosity piqued on this subject. Connecting with other parents with differing opinions, I found myself diving in to learn more.
New York City public school educator and curriculum advisor Diana Senechal argues that children’s ability to think and reflect independently on a given topic is critical. I certainly agree.
Children need the opportunity to form their own opinions. The chance to sit in their thoughts will aid in more rich and meaningful discussions with others. If ideas never originate independently, how else is this possible? Sure, their environment influences their thinking; however, resting (for at least a moment) in these thoughts is essential to develop critical thinking skills.
Solitude became synonymous with loneliness at some point; however, I think the pandemic affords society a new perspective.
Loneliness is a negative state, often characterized by isolation which may include emptiness. This state may sound like I am talking about the pandemic, but hear me out.
Solitude is finding comfort and contentment when being with one’s self. Watching our children play alone, they are often happy and oblivious to the concept of loneliness. I believe this is something we can learn from them and something for all of us to embrace.
. . .
Embrace solitude.
Solitude is a powerful tool for all of us. It allows for reflection and can inspire imagination. Self-reflection and imagination are inspiring attributes. Such attributes are why I feel there is value to choose solitude — especially as parents. We can guide and inspire the next generation to do the same.
Parenting is the ultimate marathon. Solitude provides opportunities for all in the unit, parent and child, to breathe. We cannot survive without oxygen, so why do we try to force ourselves into a constant state of activity?
What are your plans for this weekend? Relax and home — and recharge.
Won’t the kids be bored? My eleven-year pulls out his markers and begins to draw, carefully constructing numerous Pokemon characters, which he asks if we can laminate. He built his own action figures and his imagination soars as he gives a voice to each of his drawings. Beyond this imaginative state, the sense of pride is cast from every sense of his being is where the true beauty lies.
In learning to be comfortable with solitude, we gain a sense of presence and a wealth of opportunity. There is a particular richness of idea to both entertain and comfort us — attributes that feed the soul and make us less likely to be lonely.
For our children, being alone and creating this space as an echo chamber of positive thoughts seems to be missing in a society where the number of likes and followers and a constant presence of others seems to fuel gratification. These are external sources, while solitude affords the luxury of being satisfied with ourselves.
As a parent, we evolve alongside our children. Do you have a personal journey with solitude? What if solitude was the default for ourselves and our children, and we were fuelled by an inner source for satisfaction?
I believe it’s time to teach our children how choosing to be alone is favourable, and while coming out of the pandemic, this might be that much more challenging — we have been afforded the opportunity to be less busy, and I believe that is a gift to not lose sight of.
How do you feel about consciously choosing “alone time” for your children? Do you seek solitude for yourself? I am interested in hearing your perspective and invite you to share your thoughts in the comments.
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This post was previously published on A Parent Is Born.
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