Have You Taken the RHQ?
Don’t be caught by surprise when your partner reveals a different understanding of the relationship. Be prepared and take the RHQ!
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Most men over-estimate the health of their intimate relationship. Not good! It means that you will typically be unaware of when the relationship needs care and attention. This leads to an overwhelming shock when your partner leaves unexpectedly or asks to go to couples counselling. “What,” you say in stunned disbelief. “Why do we need to do that?”
If you want to avoid an unforeseen guillotine severing you from your relationship, taking this short questionnaire might provide you with some insight into your relationship, and possibly give you some advance warning so that you can take appropriate action to right your ship before it disappears below the waves of disillusion.
If you are unsure of your partner’s experience of the relationship, this assessment works best if both partners participate. This way, you can compare results, which can be informative, fun, or even risky. Warning: Do not take this questionnaire if you are not willing to deal with the consequences.
However, if you do the questionnaire, it will help you see if you and your partner have similar perceptions about the well-being of the relationship, or, if you are coming from opposite ends of the spectrum, which would be a prime indicator of potential trouble.
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Enough of the preliminaries, let’s get started. What follows are ten questions which you score and then add up the scores for a grand total. Your score for each item ranges from 1-10 with ten being the highest (positive) or best score, and 1 the lowest (negative) score. For all you psych grads, no, we are not using a Likert scale (usually a scale from 1-5 or 1-7). After you have added up your scores there will be a comparison chart for interpretation and assessing your Relational Health Quotient.
The Relationship Health Questionnaire
Pick a score from 1 (low) to 10 (high) for each question.
Question #1
Do you feel in love with your partner? Score = ____
Question #2
Do you think of your partner during the day? Score = ____
Question #3
When you think of him/her, is it in a positive light? Score = ____
Question #4
When you have difficult things to share with your partner, how honest and real are you? Score = ____
Question #5
How uplifted, encouraged and understood do you feel after talking with your partner? Score = ____
Question #6
How comfortable do you feel sharing your deepest thoughts and feeling with your partner? Score = ____
Question #7
Do you feel positively changed and have increased self-worth because of your relationship? Score = ____
Question #8
Are you able to tell your partner when he/she has hurt your feelings? Score = ____
Question #9
Do you feel you are a better person because of the relationship? Score = ____
Question #10
Do you respect your partner? Score = ____
Now, add up your individual scores.
TOTAL SCORE = ____/100
Score Interpretation:
100 – 90 The relationship is in great shape! Keep doing what works. RHQ = Very High
89 – 80 May need minor tweaks. Discuss with partner how to go from good to great. RHQ = High
79 – 70 Doing OK but need to identify trouble areas and work on the relationship. RHQ = Medium
69 – 60 Moving into risky territory. Pay attention now or pay the price later. RHQ = Low
59 or less If you want the relationship to work, you need intensive care – NOW! RHQ = Very Low
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As I pointed out in the first paragraph, men over-estimate how well the relationship is doing. Therefore, it is critical that you at least show your partner the results and see if she agrees with your assessment and if not, 1) have a long talk and/or, 2) have her or him take the assessment and then compare and discuss scores.
I hope this is useful in supporting your relationship. Feel free to put your scores and thoughts in the comment section below.
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FYI: The questions are tapping into relational concepts that are seen as having positive influences on the health of the partnership such as: engagement, authenticity, empowerment, and the ability to manage conflict.
I would like to acknowledge Liang et al, (2002) for some of the questions I used and her study examining the psychometric properties of the Relational Health Indices supporting the reliability, validity and utility of the measure.
Photo: Flickr/Keiichi/Ignore
