In the infancy of every relationship, things are often light and smooth sailing. The start of the relationship is about getting to know one another and having fun. As each day passes, the level of comfort typically increases. We begin to peel back multiple layers of intimacy one by one. With each peeling layer vulnerability surges and more and more trust is developed. Time marches on as we continue to meld into couple-hood.
Eventually, life happens and the dynamic shifts in an unexpected way. This could be a sudden or gradual shift and can, at times, leave the relationship feeling unbalanced. What was once a smooth sailing romance may seem to be lost in the crashing ocean tide. Things become much more real and perhaps a little unsteady. This shift can manifest in a multitude of ways as life tends to bring about waves in all shapes and sizes. We could feel unbalanced due to stress, illness, our past life experiences, work, or any other myriad of circumstances. In the wake of the unbalance there is potential it could leave one or both partners feeling unsettled.
While there may be some imbalance within the relationship, shifts don’t necessarily mean your partner no longer cares. We are told time and time again that relationships should be 50/50. Equal. I call bullshit. In the best of circumstances yes, an equal partnership is ideal. Let’s face it, life is not full of only the best circumstances. There will be times within the relationship when one partner or the other is not capable of giving what their partner needs. They are physically incapable of living up to their expectations within the partnership. Let me be clear about something. Love is not expectations. When we love someone with an agenda and expectations, we limit the potential of the relationship.
The time will come within the relationship when one partner is capable of only 20%. Is that our sign to jump ship because it is sinking? Of course, that is your choice. However, if you believe your relationship is worth it then you give 80% to keep it afloat. Even if it means giving 90% at times. Pick up the slack. That is love. It is loving without an agenda or having expectations. While you are at it and picking up the slack, leave the scoreboard at home. Love is not a sporting event. There should never be a running tally of when one person picked up slack over the other. That is not love. Now, if you are carrying 80-90% of the relationship all the time and there is never any balance, that is not love either. That is being taken advantage of.
Love is delicate and resilient at the same time. Love can withstand the most tumultuous trials so long as it is nurtured back to life. If your relationship is worth it, pick up the slack and keep the ship sailing. You cannot stop the waves of life from coming, but you most certainly can learn how to surf!
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash