The Salsa of Love and Intimacy

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A couple of years ago, my wife and I took Salsa dance lessons. So much fun we had, even if we didn’t exactly burn up the floor. The parallels between the dance of Salsa the dance between a man and a woman are quite intricately linked. Let me explain.

The Salsa is popularly known as a hot and sexy latin dance, and don’t get me wrong, it IS hot AND sexy, smooth and sensual to boot. Learning Salsa is a great way to learn about the dynamics between a man and a woman. There are certainly a few principles of Salsa that simulate a relationship.

Men Leading

When it comes to Salsa, you gotta learn to lead. Salsa is all about your confident yet subtle cues about where you want your partner to be at any given moment. A slight nod of the head, a squeeze of the hand, a firm gesture, a gentle but knowing persuasion, will have your partner feeling safe and sure about your lead. She’ll feel that you know what you are doing (even if you don’t). The rule is to lead anyway. Leading in a relationship isn’t about manipulation or control. Like in Salsa, it’s about invitation and adventure.

Any lead in Salsa is almost better than no lead at all. She wants and needs you to lead. Her feminine depends on your masculine, to lead, to be strong, to remain fixed, to be secure. A strong and skillful lead from a man will have his partner ready and willing to follow.

Trust

You must trust firstly yourself, that where you lead, she will follow. Trust is not about you forcing her hand but, quite the contrary, inviting her to step into the space you have created for her. Remember though, whilst you may create the space, it is not your space, it is hers, provide it and let her take it.

You must also trust your partner to follow, to be there when you invite, to choose to be close, to move, to respond, to want the dance with you. There can be no relationship without trust. You must choose her just as she chooses you, throughout the entire dance.

In Salsa classes, we men were each encouraged to ask our lady to dance. Sure, there will be times when she comes to you, without invitation, but that will be because you have already built trust, space, and intimacy.

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Space and Intimacy

Relationships, like Salsa, are all about the interplay of space and intimacy. Too much intimacy and she’ll crave space, too much space, and she will be looking for intimacy. You MUST learn the difference of this dynamic and honour her in this. It is all about the balance of being confident enough to step back and allow her the space to move and flow, and bringing her in close to enjoy the deep connection that you have created with her and are offering to her.

Salsa is all about the movement and flow, the ‘in and the out’, the space and the connection. Paramount to this, whether giving space or intimacy, ALWAYS maintain connection with her. She should always feel your presence, whether in person or in her heart.

Time To Shine

There is a movement in Salsa that is literally called a ‘Shine’. It can be done by both the man or the woman, where either gets to ‘show off’ a little. In a relationship, both partners need to shine. Sometimes on their own, sometimes together. When it is her time to shine, her time to do her thing, her time to take the stage, impress and indulge her senses or her interests or skills, honour her in that, respect her, admire her, encourage her, hold the space with her. Do not be intimidated by a woman’s shine. This is a glorious part of a relationship and you should fully enjoy it. When it is your time, the same will apply. Sometimes you will shine together, and this is fun too.

Salsa is the dance of stepping into your true self, of leaving your old story behind, of discovering a new way of being, and of experiencing true intimacy and connection of trust, strength & gentleness. Salsa is a great way to learn about how to ‘be’ with a woman. I’d encourage any man, woman or couple, to take a few lessons. You might be surprised at what you discover. At the very least, you’ll have a lot of fun.
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