Most of us have a fairly good idea of what others perceive when they are around us. Well mannered, dressed a certain way, kind or otherwise, easy to laugh with or not.
Some folk notice somethings we don’t. A nervous laugh, twisting a ring, that we kiss the air, that we frown a lot. They notice the scowl we are unaware of, the tapping of fingers in impatience.
A mirror does not show our true image, though we may believe it does. To see that, we must hold two mirrors at 45 degrees and look at the join. This is what we really look like.
In order for us to know our true selves, we must lose our inhibition. Loss from a brain injury does not count. Brain damage causes all sorts of problems, and can include loss of inhibitions, but does not reveal the true self. Brain injury loss of inhibition due to deficits bring frustration, fear, and thus, anger.
To see that, we must hold two mirrors at 45 degrees and look at the join. This is what we really look like.
Chemicals of a certain nature do show ourselves for who we are. Some people are terrified of using them for this very reason.
The two best chemicals to cause disinhibition are morphine and alcohol. If you have ever had surgery, you probably had morphine included in the cocktail that anaesthetised you, or it was administered just before you awakened to prevent post-op pain.
After I had an operation, I found that I felt love toward the nurses in the recovery room. Later I learned that l had told two nurses that I told two nurses I loved them. This made me feel a bit embarrassed, but not overly so. So I become overtly loving and kind.
I do drink alcohol on occasion. My man likes to get me slightly tipsy. I become more readily to laughter and I am more complimentary. This is the true me. Veneer has dropped, society’s demand for proper behavior vanishes. Not that paying compliments is frowned upon. It’s just how many are given.
Someone I knew, when drunk, climbed into an ambulance and drove it away. Another person assaulted another drinker in a bar. I have seen drunken women brawl like angry cats. Anger and violence are the most common effects of disinhibition.
Of course, there are many others who become loving and laughing like me. Quite a lot cry, or become needy, begging for attention- this is less common.
The dreadful thing is that some people commit domestic violence when disinhibited. Mostly men but some women too. In Scotland, domestic violence increases by a third when football matches are played, according to the BBC.
To see that, we must hold two mirrors at 45 degrees and look at the join. This is what we really look like.
Since alcohol is not prohibited, how do we prevent the negative results? I believe that anyone convicted of a crime while drunk should go through detox and made to get support for the future. A future of sobriety. With the right support and correct deterrents, people can live a sober life. No government is willing to fund this though, and they get huge revenue from the sale of alcohol.
Nothing else will stop negative disinhibition. The drunk often does not remember his actions.
So, what of our other imperfections? We need to be honest with ourselves often. Whenever we feel uncomfortable with ourselves, we need to seek a way to change. It is your choice how you do it.
I use the attitude of gratitude and look for joy in everyday things. It gives me reason to be cheerful and kind. I treat others as I want to be treated.
So, our real self is shown by being uninhibited. The you after a few drinks. The you on morphine. Do you welcome your true self or avoid yourself?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash
