Seek Mutual Interests, Not Compromises

I hate it when people say the phrase “opposite attracts.” It gives a wrong impression, and couples who believe that phrase often find it takes them through a miserable path. Worse still, as they traverse on that road, they must continuously sacrifice their own interests to make room or time for their significant other.

If you are not a hodophile and do not bother to travel because you are afraid of flying and find staying in a better choice, do not readily date someone who loves to see the world. Likewise, if you would rather spend your weekends gardening instead of fishing, do not date someone who is going to drag you out of your house at ungodly hours every weekend.

As soon as our relationship takes off, we are frequently told that you have to seek a middle ground in order to keep both parties happy and the relationship going. We are taught that eventually, you will have your patience tested when she goes for a lengthy shopping spree or suffer from boredom while watching him work on his car. Interaction of this kind is not a compromise; it is a sacrifice that ultimately leads to resentment towards each other. So, when both partners find themselves in this sort of interaction once in a blue moon, the time spent together is rendered meaningless.

Seeking a middle ground is when you and your significant other actively seek remedies to issues as one. No one loses. No resentment. All there is open communication between you and your significant other in terms of each others’ wants, needs, expectations and how they can be attained together as a couple.

Here are several enlightening ways to seek common interests that you both can get behind:

1. Do not turn down exciting challenges

Suppose you and your significant other both enjoy reading. However, you would rather pull your eyeballs out of their sockets than read her favourite articles on FanFiction. So instead of insisting that you both explore each other’s reading list, try coming up with a reading challenge.

It does not need to be complicated. For instance, you both can challenge each other to see who has read the most books in one year. You will both contribute to each other’s personal development growth while also drawing in some friendly contest.

Alternatives include acquiring new skills or sharpening existing ones. Avoid challenges that could make someone feel insignificant or inferior, such as who is the best at playing Articulate!. The message is to encourage and support each other, not rip each other to shreds.

2. Searching a cause

Discovering a cause does not imply that you and your significant other have to be activists demonstrating peacefully in public. For example, cheering on an English football club could be a cause. If both of you are Liverpool fans, then rally for them. Grab Liverpool merchandise, attend their matches, and invite several life-minded friends to watch the match with.

You will both get fascinated, can have more intimate conversations, and share a mutual interest. However, if sports are not your cup of tea, then go for the alternatives such as bands, organisations or even artists. They, too, can provide you and your significant other with sufficient causes to stand by.

Simply seek one and go along with it.

3. Attempting new things as one

Thriving individuals have hobbies that they enjoy doing on their own, and when we start to develop a relationship, we frequently invite our partner into our hobbies. Well, guess what? This is not a healthy way to grow your relationship with your partner. Healthy is when you preserve your individuality by keeping those hobbies for you and your “me” time. Healthy is also when your partner takes a genuine interest by supporting you in your individual passions.

If both of you desire to do an activity together, be bold and try new ones together. Attending a baking class together, for instance, is a great way to spice your relationship up. Alternatively, if both of you do not know how to swim, sign up for swimming lessons together.

The point is to be brave when doing something completely new and different from your usual antics.

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Couples who perform activities together tend to be happier and more appreciative of each other than couples who are satisfied with where they are today. That is no secret. However, that does not mean that either partner should be forcing each other to have their hands immersed in their own interests.

So, it is time to rethink how we interpret the phrase, “when two becomes one,” because we have gotten it all wrong. Instead of a basis for a highly positive and well-grounded relationship, the truth is the opposite. Couples with healthy relationships are individuals who can cope with life independently. So, rather than coercing each other to do things, seek fun ways to travel beyond the comfort bubble together. I am confident that your smile will be wider, and you will feel more fulfilled all around.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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