Setting Aside Differences: How to Co-Parent for Your Kids’ Sake

You hear these stories time and again: Children grow up, torn between two parents who can’t put their differences aside to take care of the most important things in their lives — the kids themselves.

It’s quite tragic, to be honest. The kids are the innocent victims in this tale, yet when parents can’t agree to leave the past in the past, they never come out unscathed. That’s why the adults need to start being actual adults and put their kids first. That means leaving the animosity behind.

For some, it’s easier said than done, but there are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with your co-parent.

It’s Not About You

Having been through this myself, it can be challenging to move on from a difficult relationship, but here’s the thing: it’s not about me. That means it’s not about you, either. It’s about the kids.

Your children deserve to have the best of both parents, even if you’re not together. That means no bringing up past incidents and no starting arguments in front of them. If you must say your piece, then do it on your own time, in your own space, when the kids are not around.

And most of all, do not badmouth the other parent to your children. The complexities of your relationship are far beyond what they need to know.

It’s Not a Competition

Seriously. It’s not. Children need both of their parents, and they aren’t going to compare and see who’s the better one. What they are going to do is take note of how you treat each other — and them. Your actions can affect them in numerous ways, depending on how old they are.

Don’t try to outdo one another. Instead, work together to form some kind of relationship that suits you, even if it’s through text to confirm details if that’s what it needs to be.

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It Requires Putting Your Anger Aside

There are likely to be some real feelings about how your relationship ended, regardless of how it did. In these instances where the kids are involved, you have to remember they had nothing to do with it. Weaponizing them benefits nobody. It may make you feel good in the interim, but the real damage is inflicted on your children.

Instead, put your anger aside. Use a coping mechanism if you need to; there are plenty you can try to find one that works. You might even want to seek therapy to help you in the healing process.

It Might Be a Rough Ride

You’re not going to make forward progress overnight, especially if there’s a complicated history between you with a bit of resentment built up. However, you owe it to the kids to keep striving to be better.

If one parent refuses to cooperate, don’t let that draw you back into the conflict. Be the bigger person. Your kids will take notice of that, too.

Your Kids Deserve Better

One of the the things that’s so important to me as a single mom is that my kids see me and my ex getting along. And we truly do. We’re friends. We spend holidays and birthdays together and celebrate our children.

My goal in doing this is to show them what a healthy adult relationship looks like, even if we’re no longer romantically linked. That we can be the loving parents our children deserve and come together to celebrate them so they get the best of both worlds.

Co-parenting is an adventure, and like all adventures, there will be mishaps. The important thing is to remember that there are little innocent beings involved who have nothing to do with the deterioration of your relationship.

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This post was previously published on Wealth of Geeks.

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