If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.
More than ever, the internet is a flurry with rage content, coming from both men and women, focused on the exasperation of modern dating. So pervasive is the frustration on both sides that we have created names, movements, and praxeologies to express our anger and despair: Redpill, Feminism, MGTOW, Passport Bros, Incels, and Femcels, to name a few.
As a traditional person myself, the situation today makes sense. With the lack of any destination in our relationships comes a lack of trust, specifically for women. And when she doesn’t feel emotionally safe and secure in the relationship, there is no stability in her heart, creating chaos in your shared life.
With good intentions, we make her our “girlfriend,” hoping that will give her the confidence she needs in our love. But that only breeds more profound and more complex challenges, as long-term relationships experience marriage-level problems but without the framework of marriage to hold us together.
In truth, she can never be settled in your love until you are committed, with no easy way out. Until a structure and framework bind you together — something bigger than the two of you, above you, surrounding you, protecting you and your future. A reason, a belief, an institution that compels you beyond your repeated protestations of “I love you, forever.” Baring this, she understands she is merely building a castle in the sand.
So until she gets that certainty, in her mind, she’s single. And for many women, unhappy. She may settle for this lower level of commitment out of fear or despair, but deep inside, it hurts. And it’s scary because she knows that whenever you want, you can walk and leave her heart on the curb.
For many men, it’s different. Men can act like husbands even when they technically are not. They are happy to provide, protect, lead, and even father without marriage. We feel confident, connected, and secure as is. We are committed and expect the same from her.
So it’s always surprising when “Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend” headlines hundreds of blog posts, Tiktoks, and Youtube videos. We scratch our heads and ask, “What’s wrong with modern women?”
But once you understand her, it’s not very complicated or sinister, as for many women, she can’t or won’t behave like a wife until she becomes one. And the lever she pulls is to behave in a way, actively or passively, that unpleasantly reminds you that she needs more — that you haven’t sealed the deal, ala “If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.” For ladies, this is obvious, correct, and sensible. For men, confusing, frustrating, and upsetting.
Ironically, if not moved in the right direction, the emotional discord that stems from this imbalance can itself be the catalyst for the destruction of a loving relationship — a future with children, legacy, and commitment if given a chance.
How sad, yet real, today more than ever, leaving a wake of pain, loneliness, and broken hearts.
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Hope you enjoy my perspectives! To learn more about my marriage programs, go here: www.dovidfeldman.com. You can follow me on twitter,Dovid Feldman
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jeongim Kwon on Unsplash
