The more thought and energy you invest while waiting, the stronger your feelings will become. — Anonymous
Don’t do it. Do not invest more thought and energy while she slowly decides if she is into you.
When someone wants to be with you, they will usually make it known to you. You will not have doubts about how they feel about you.
But what about when you are getting mixed messages from someone you really like?
Sometimes she hangs onto every word you say, other times you worry that she couldn’t care less.
This kind of behavior makes dating and starting new relationships extremely frustrating and difficult. I mean, is she shy and afraid of rejection?
Or is she just not that into you?
A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is certain about how much he likes her.
The reverse is also true. When someone is into you, they will not keep you guessing about how whether they like you or not.
So, here are 10 signs to take you out of your misery and confirm what you probably already know — she is just not that into you.
You feel confused
When a girl is not into you, she will give you mixed signals. You will feel confused about how she really feels about you and it will seem like she is hot for you one moment, and completely cold towards you the next.
She might say things like;
I am not ready for a relationship right now but I think I really like you.
I need to take some time off to really find myself.
It is not you, it is me.
I do not think a relationship between us would work right now because xyz.
I am afraid I am going to hurt you if I get into a relationship with you.
If she is confused about how she feels about you, it might be a sign that she is not that into you. She is keeping you around until a more suitable option comes along.
If you feel confused and are getting mixed signals, she is probably not that into you.
Cancels on your plans together
She almost never initiates plans for the two of you. And when you do make plans, she usually cancels your plans together.
This might be an indication that she is just not that into you.
Also, she most likely avoids committing to any future plans because she is not certain if you will be around that long.
Stop making plans with people who always cancel on you. The only flakes you should up with are the ones in your cereal bowl.
Keeps you in the friend zone
According to Wikipedia, the friend zone is a term used for the situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not.
If a girl is not that into you, she might put you in the friend zone.
She has decided you are just a friend and not a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in their eyes, like a sibling or a plant.
She keeps you around and will talk to you for hours whenever it is convenient for her. However, your friendship feels very one-sided because she is barely available at the times when you need her.
And while there are merits to being friends with your crush, unrequited love breaks your heart more than it mends it.
Being in the friend zone is just like being front row at an awesome concert… except you’re deaf.
Always talking about the ex
If the girl you are into is always talking about how awesome her relationship with her ex was, it might be a red flag that she is not that into you.
Another warning sign that she is just not that into you is if she keeps talking about other men, and the qualities she likes in them. This is especially alarming if these qualities do not even describe you.
If she is not that into you, she will not water the grass with you where you are.
The grass is not green on the other side, it is green where it is watered.
Tells you she is uninterested.
Sometimes, she will tell you directly that she is not interested in you or pursuing a relationship with you.
Other times, she will be subtle about it and tell you indirectly.
She will express the fact that she is just not that into you. Believe her either way, cut your losses and go where you are appreciated.
Even if she makes an exception and you end up in a relationship, that love will not be true. She will leave you the moment someone else piques her interest.
Love does not need to be perfect. It just needs to be true. — Moosa Rahat
She has not introduced you to anyone in her world
Shasta Nelson, the author of “Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness,” suggests making those intros sooner rather than later. “We bond more with our partners when we meet their friends,” she said, adding that a big party or group event can be more comfortable than a one-on-one interrogation with your best friend.
Nelson also stressed that it’s important for your friends to meet the person you’re dating even if you’re not serious. You get to see how they act around other people and you get an opportunity to integrate your relationship with other parts of your life.
If she has not introduced you to even one friend, it could be that she is just not that into you.
Shows little affection and avoids physical contact
Love is a complicated subject, and it becomes even more complicated if the person you like is not showing clear signs of affection.
Sometimes, your object of affection is just shy and rarely touches you. It is not because they do not love you — that might just be the way they are wired. She might not like public displays of affection.
However, if she shows you absolutely none or very little affection and avoids physical contact even when in private, she might just not be that into you. Humans are wired to need touch and physical affection.
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. — C. S. Lewis
She avoids your pursuits
When someone is not into you, she will avoid your pursuits and act almost indifferent to your acts of love.
You might feel taken for granted, invalidated, and, at times, maybe not even human.
Nothing hurts more than knowing that if the world were ending in five minutes, she is the one person you would want to call. However, her phone would be busy because she would be on the line talking to someone else.
If she consistently avoids you, she is probably just not into you.
Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. — Plato
In some cases, she gaslights you
She hardly calls or returns your calls
When she is not into you, she will hardly call or return your calls. When you have a text communication going on, her text replies will probably be blunt and terse.
She is likely to avoid you for days and responds intermittently when she does. Many times it feels like she is playing hard to get.
She is probably just not that into you.
I hate when guys think I am playing hard to get. Dude, I really do not like you. I am not playing. — Lisa Karls
In some rare cases, a girl might give you all these signs when she actually likes you. The key to any successful relationship lies in open and honest communication with each other.
However, if it is the case that she is just not that into you, I empathize.
Unrequited love is unbearably painful. It hurts to realize she meant the world to you, but you mean nothing to her. The best thing to do is to move on to where you are appreciated.
Loving someone who does not love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.
Move on to where your heart will find a home. Where you will be loved for who you are and not for someone else’s convenience.
I wish loads and loads of love and mutual love in your relationships.
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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