Shirts and Skins at Soccer

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“I wan a diff’rent shirt,” my youngest sobbed. He had torn off his new Superman pajama top (cape and flashing emblem included) that he had insisted on wearing. The fit of pique began the moment I made him get out of the car.

I hauled him onto the soccer field — naked from the waist up and writhing like an octopus — just barely in time for his brother’s game. I had stuffed the Superman shirt into the front pocket of my hoodie. It was a grand entrance.

“I hear you, honey. You want a different shirt.”

“I juss wah ah ahnt a diff-rent shir-ir-irht!” he wailed.

“After the game, you can have a different shirt.”

“I want it NOW!” he shrieked.

“We’re at soccer now.”

“No! I.WANT.IT.NOW!” he screamed, flailing and arching his back.

People all around us were staring. He was shouting louder than anyone was cheering. Why was I even trying to reason with a half-naked, agitated, almost-three-year-old?

Ironically, just the day before, I had suggested to a colleague, whose daughter refused to wear a jacket, “Just let her wear whatever she wants. She’ll realize soon enough that she’s cold.”

My colleague was worried about what other parents might think. “Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. They’ll understand when you flash the jacket at them,” I had reassured her.

Why was it so hard to take my own advice?

Another soccer mom tried to jolly my son out of his meltdown. She was spectating on the sidelines with her four-year-old son, who had brought a mini soccer ball. “How about we all kick this ball around? C’mon, we’ll be shirts. You be skins.”

Chortle. Snort. I had to cover my face to keep from spraying coffee everywhere.

It felt good to laugh, though.

After the game, I took a deep breath and plastered a smile on my face before asking if we could return the jacket my son had gladly accepted from his new four-year-old buddy next weekend. (My son realized that wearing a pajama top in front of most of the eight-and-under set at Saturday morning soccer was not a good look. But walking back to the car shirtless was clearly not desirable either.)

The soccer mom smiled and said, “Sure, yes. I understand.”

Sometimes, we all need a little reassurance — or a jacket — to get through the more challenging parenting moments.

A version of this story appears in Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tales, available in paperback or Kindle (free for Kindle Unlimited readers).

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