Should Loyalty Be Judged by One’s Dating Style?

When I tell people I’m solo poly, I always get that “Err! She’s not loyal,” or the “She can’t love anybody” kinda look.

Some people assume if you’re in a polyamorous relationship then you are not committed to your partner.

While they might be right, we still commit to those who are interested in committing to us. However, the freedom of dating whoever you want and when you want to makes dating all the more fun.

You know why I like non-monogamous dating style is that I don’t get to be selfish with my partner and he won’t be selfish with me.

With traditional poly, I felt like I was giving too much of myself. I care too much. When I give my word, I keep it. And I expect my partners to do the same.

Isn’t it ridiculous that we judge people based on their sexuality and dating style?

Despite the controversies surrounding open relationships, swings, and polyamory, more people are stepping away from traditional monogamous settings.

According to a popular dating app Feeld, more couples are opening up their relationships and exploring non-monogamy. The keyword words for ‘ethical non-monogamy’ and ‘polyamory’ have risen by 400 percent for women, while that of men is up by 500.

Traditional monogamy often leads to codependency as opposed to interdependence in relationships. Which is a major contributor to jealousy, possessiveness, and low self-esteem.

Some people believe solo polyamorists avoid commitments which aren’t entirely true. Some solo polys get involved in one or more committed partnerships. However, they do not have strict rules like those of traditional polyamorous and monogamous relationships.

Solo polyamorists consider themselves their primary partners. We are more focused on our work, hobbies, and personal growth than our romantic partnerships.

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When I tell my dates I prefer them to be my platonic friends they feel insulted and request a higher label like “boyfriend” or “best friend”. To me labels complicate relationships.

I care about my platonic friends more than my romantic dates. I have noticed that my “friends with benefits” last longer than my committed partnerships.

I have come to terms with the fact even though I get into long committed relationships every now and then, I like to be identified as a single in all social and professional structures.

By giving myself and others the space to explore what we need, I have been able to set higher standards and find people willing to meet them.

Everyone should be comfortable with their dating choices

Just like everything else, non-monogamous relationships can be good as well as bad. This is why you should communicate with your spouse first before embarking on this kind of lifestyle.

A recent study claims that people in open relationships are usually happier and healthier than those in monogamous relationships. Also, they have more satisfying sex drives than their counterparts.

Human connection is human connection, and whether you are in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, everyone has the potential to experience challenge, conflict, joy, pain, and every other emotion under the sun.

It is common for people to experience a variety of positive and negative emotions in an ethically non-monogamous relationship, including jealousy, insecurity, fear, worry, doubt, excitement, increased libido, a deeper connection to the ‘original’ partner, autonomy, freedom, conscious limits, conscious communication, abundant gratitude, and compassion.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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