Humans are complex and dynamic. We grow and change with time, and so do our likes and preferences. Sometimes, little lies protect the greater truth: you respect the other person and value the relationship. So, they would say that you look lovely in that black dress or that they loved the gift you sent, not because they are deceiving you but because they are affirming the greater truth: they love you!
One of the hallmarks of healthy relationships is the freedom to be ourselves without worrying about being judged or rejected. And you begin to feel relieved because you no longer have to worry about what you say or how you come across, but reality check? That is an unrealistic perspective.
While you are in a committed relationship with someone,
- it is natural for you to find other people attractive,
- to sometimes feel bored around the other person,
- to sometimes wanting to be alone,
- to disliking some particular thing about them,
and the list goes on. But suppose your relationship does not allow for healthy communication around these topics (which is expected because humans are creatures of emotion, not logic). In that case, it is better to keep them to yourself. This does not mean that you do not bring your complete self to the relationship, but it instead means that you value the long-term success of the relationship over being occupied with the trivial realities of human nature and everyday life.
What must we be honest about?
- If something is breeding constant resentment in your heart towards the relationship and the other person, you must address it.
- If you feel you are not valued in the relationship, you must address it.
- If you are thinking about a life-changing decision that would alter the relationship dynamic, be honest about it.
But, for the small things you feel have nothing to do with the long-term dynamics of the relationship, let them pass. Keep them to yourself. Those feelings are fleeting; your love for the other person and their presence in your life stays.
As the School of Life says,
The dream is to find someone we can share our whole selves with. Unfortunately, the reality is that being in a relationship requires an ongoing process of editing.
A degree of secrecy is not the enemy of love; it is one of its stranger and, at points more awkward preconditions.
…
I am available for freelance content gigs; drop me a hello at [email protected].
Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
Follow for more similar insights.
252
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com