If you’ve ever been betrayed in a relationship, you know what a gut-wrenching and life-altering moment it can be. Not just for your relationship, but your mental state as a whole.
Being cheated on plants a seed of doubt in your mind that continues to slowly sprout over time, infecting various aspects of our psyche and our opinions of others.
But when it comes to cheaters specifically, it could be a fair assumption to say they simply can’t be trusted in general.
I used to work with a girl who cheated on her husband of thirty-plus years. Needless to say, when the news eventually broke the only people who were utterly shocked were her family and those closest to her. The rest of us saw it coming a mile away.
She would consistently use underhanded tactics to get her way, in her work and her life. Plus, she had a particular penchant for stirring up trouble and gossip where it didn’t need to exist.
Essentially, nobody trusted her in the first place. Which is why her cheating escapades (which went on for years, by the way) totally kept within the character she presented to the world. Or the character she allowed to leak through her facade, anyway.
Having said that, there are moments when cheating quite literally does appear to come straight out of the blue; Where honest and loving men and women who seemingly have the perfect relationships are outed as the “cheating scumbags” they truly are.
But to decide whether or not a cheater can be trusted in a much broader sense is a tricky subject that requires some deeper thinking and analysis. You may already have your mind made up based on your personal experiences. If not, here are a few thoughts, facts, and figures you might want to consider.
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Why do people cheat?
The obvious answer to why people cheat is simple: Sex and gratification. But there are so many different factors that play into reaching this end goal.
A study featured in Scientific American quizzed hundreds of people who admitted to cheating on their partner at some point in their lives. They were all asked for the specific reasons why they cheated and their range of answers might shock you:
Judging from this, it seems the main motivations behind cheating are usually internalized on the part of the cheater, with a few external motivations thrown in for good measure.
But one thing is clear: The desire to engage in sex with someone other than your partner doesn’t come from out of nowhere. A lack of satisfaction that is grown over time, on multiple levels, with a multitude of different causes, seems to be a driving force.
But while sexual satisfaction itself can be considered the essential element in this game of cat and mouse, the above-mentioned study also revealed a more tender side to the act of cheating:
Either way, cheaters’ exploits almost always seem to be fuelled by a powerfully positive (attraction, love) or negative (neglect, lack of satisfaction) force.
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Is cheating an indicator someone will betray you?
You might not like the fact someone you know has cheated on their partner, but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee the deception that’s been present in their relationship will show itself in other aspects of their life.
However, this action could also be a good indicator of their overall moral compass — something you should be wary of if you need to deal with these types of people regularly.
In a piece featured in Psychology Today, Robert Weiss Ph.D. outlines the various types of behavior cheaters display in deceiving their partners. What’s more startling, though, is how applicable these types of behavior could be to other people in their lives or other aspects of their lives such as their career and friendships.
Take what he refers to as “partial disclosure,” for example. We all know someone who wanders through life revealing only half-truths for their own benefit. As it turns out, this is taken right out of the cheater’s textbook:
Would you really want to trust someone who treats the truth in this manner, or someone whom you suspect of doing so from an infidelity standpoint?
None of us should be wholly defined by a single aspect of our being. But when certain important decisions begin to be swayed by the darker, more deceptive aspects of our personality (like cheating, for example), we can make for exceptionally untrustworthy individuals.
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Conclusions
There is no, and can never be, a singular definitive answer as to whether or not cheaters can be trusted. Like all human beings, cheaters come in countless shapes, sizes, and levels of moral stability.
Ultimately, it is down to the person passing judgment to decide whether or not the individual in question can be trusted. But, like cheaters, these people don’t all fit one mold either.
Depending on your background and morals, you may be fine with trusting a cheater. You might also shiver at the very thought.
My advice would be to put any internal ideas about someone’s character aside and analyze them from a clean slate point of view, while at the same time remembering the traits and methods of deception a cheater may display.
In other words, give people a chance. But if you see someone you know to be a cheat wandering into the realm of self-preservation as opposed to honesty and integrity, you would be wise to avoid them to save yourself any heartache further down the road.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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