You deserve at least this much.
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I find lately that any time I write an article outlining certain traits of men or how we “should” or “shouldn’t” act in a relationship, I get plenty of backlash from those who disagree. Some people tell me that men do not realistically act in the ways I write about (I also have to be careful because people often accuse me of telling everyone how to act).
Things Men Should Never Do in a Relationship
First thing’s first: Good men do act in these ways. If you are going to put an asterisk on behavior that’s to be expected from well-adjusted, emotionally stable, good man, then you’re not dating a good man. Here are a few things that should make you strap on a jet pack and full throttle it in the other direction:
1. A good man will never pick apart your looks.
“Oh, if only your hair was a little longer.” “If only you lost those couple of extra pounds.” “If you would only wear more makeup.” A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that’s demeaning to you or makes you feel badly about yourself. If he is doing this, he’s purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won’t feel confident enough to leave him. It’s his way of trying to control you and it’s emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
2. A good man will never invade your privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages, whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
*Note: This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
3. A good man will never discourage you.
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him and will never be discouraging or insulting.
4. A good man will recognize your value; he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
5. A good man will never make you feel like an afterthought.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it’s certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something similar. A man should have have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list. If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
6. A good man will never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you’re with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate. Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times.
If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them. What I’m referring to here is someone who is simply apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
7. A good man will never cheat on you.
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together; just a decision. A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
8. A good man will never disrespect you.
Easy, simple, basic – but often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’
9. A good man will never avoid important conversations.
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse. There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
10. A good man will NEVER abuse you.
There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive toward a child or pet as well as their significant other. Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself and never from attempting to place others below him. At any sign of any type of abuse, walk (run) away immediately. It will not get better, and you deserve more.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
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Do you feel like we missed anything in this article? Are there things that a good man should never do in a relationship that we missed? Tell us what you think might be some red flags that others should pay attention to. And don’t forget to share this article with your friends and family on social media so they can read it and decide for themselves.
Photo: Shutterstock
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This article originally appeared on Your Tango. For more from Your Tango, try:
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My ex girlfriend lost a lot of weight because of the stress in her job. At some point, I did not find her attractive anymore. It even made me feel depressed. So sure I told her to change something in her life. I told her that her lifestyle is not healthy and that she changed physically a lot. Sry with 30 years I am too young to stay my whole life with a girl I do not find physically attractive anymore. This does not make me a bad man. This is how I feel, this is what I find attractive… Read more »
A good man will tell you what is bothering him, and won’t tell his friends behind your back.
Most of the points are bs. If you expect this many things you will never be happy in a relationship.
Just to let you all know, it is possible to do all these things and still get a boyfriend. My boyfriend hits all of these marks and I also try to be a good girlfriend for him. Our relationship is healthy and realistic.
Ok i agree with what men need to do. But why is your each advise asking women to immediately run away from him like he has a deadly plague or something and could kill you instantly. All these things even the insecurities can easily be dealt with and counseled to reach a solution. They arent relationship killers. No one is perfect its just how much are you willing to sacrifice for each other and work out to solve the differences. The way youve written the article shows like what two kingergarden children should do when they meet a stranger lol.
Sir I have read your article on things good man should never do in a relationship. N I can say that I have most of the qualities of a good man as you mentioned but still I am single. Can you give some tips as to how a good man should approach a girl he thinks is right for a serious relationship ?
Are you still single Vishal? Wishing you luck.
I’m wondering if there is a post of “good women will never…”. As if the only bad person in a relationship is the guy. It would be interestingto read something like that, since I felt this article a little biased.Thank you
First point is bullshit
Whole article is bullshit
Explain. Just curious.
Fuck you stupid bitches, women want to be abused, otherwise they wouldn’t act like bitches all of the time. They are only good for sex and the younger the better. You little bitches don’t know shit! Im the best fucking plumber there is and I fuck wives and daughters all over PA. My wife doesn’t even care! She is worth less than shit and she knows it because I put her in her place. And that place is slave. Don’t like it? Shoulnd;t have married me. Assholes.
I agree
Another hater.
Very disturbing.
The pointers , correct and agreed on just a thought I would like to share is :
According to me it is like a two way street , in a relationship there is a two and so I would also like to suggest that the same applies to the fair sex , cause only then it would be just.
By saying this I donot mean what’s written here is wrong but ya in a relationship you got to understand that there are TWO people and the reference is “WE” not “I” or “ME”.
Do all these things and end up in the friend zone and don’t get laid. Great advice.
To everyone who commented can we stop with the gender war and just focus on taking care of each other and being good and kind to one another encouraging positivity in humanity?
Tell the author this lol.
Dear James,
Please find a real job. These holier than thou articles and tutorials on how one needs to act in a relationship (girl or guy) are peevish and contribute zilch to society.
Thanks
The regular guy who doesn’t need lessons on dating
Why is it always about men, and what they have to do in every article, book and every damn where else!
For what it’s worth, this applies to women as well as men. That being said, do you men think it’s ok for guys nights every weekend while the woman stays home with the kids…meanwhile not even taking your significant other out more than a few times a year?
Just do a girls night or something.
What the hell. Seriously sick and tired of this sh*t. 20 things bf should do, 10 things men should do, men should do, men should do. Are you kidding me? You make a list of thousands of things men should do and in return what? Be cheated? Lied? Deceived? Seriously you people a nothing but lame. People who write such articles are the ones responsible for many damaged relations because you want men to do everything. And your to-do list for women is non-existent. Make a damn list of things woman should do. And put first pointer of not to… Read more »
And he will get friend zoned.
10 things a good man should not do. 1. Be a pushover 2. Become responsible for a woman’s happiness 3. Be a “Simp,” and get used and abused 4. Care more for her than you she cares for themselves. Losing Battle 5. Learn the word, “NO!” 6. Don’t beg for her emotional love. Ever! 7. Be happy with yourself, First. 8. Listen and decipher what is being said and watch her actions. 9. Never change your views for her to understand you or how. Be your own man. 10. Do not cater to her emotions and never try to figure… Read more »
This above list is joke! Don’t expect a healthy relationship EVER! Love that is “sustainable” requires a happy medium between your wants and needs and those of your partner. A growing loving nurturing relationship fully takes into account the needs and desires of both persons, otherwise it will die. Someone like you is clearly self-serving and therefore not capable of a healthy relationship. When you compromise and sometimes put the needs of the other above your own, you are demonstrating love, and kindness, and maturity. Only through respect and careful listening do we understand our partner and their needs. In… Read more »
This list is better than the actual post
Well said Rich. Too many dickhead bitter men commenting on here.
This holds true for a good woman too. So irrespective of whether its man or woman it is imp to follow the pointers mentioned in the article.
A good woman will do the same ?
Hi, I just want to know one thing about my man….. he is perfect with all of the good man qualities…… we r dating each other from few weeks ……. he do all things what I asked for…… but I am confused….. because he did not answer me that he loves me or not…… whenever I said I love you to him he ignored this …… so plz give me a clue that is he loves me or he need some more time for this.
A good man is always friendzoned …..
Where the f is good woman????
A good man is friend zoned.
Thank you for writing this article. I was married for 10 years to a man that didn’t do these things. As I have been dating, I find myself using this article as a reminder that I don’t have to put up with these behaviors. I am learning to stand up for myself. I agree with the comments here that men should expect these things of women too. While no one is perfect, being in a relationship with anyone with a habit of any of these qualities won’t lead to a healthy relationship.
A Good man is never loved….