Should You Text Him First?

I used to ask myself the same question over and over whenever I started liking a guy who didn’t text me first — should I be the one to reach out?

But I was also living with the idea that if a guy wants you or is interested in you will make that clear, yet some guys just do not text first for various reasons, reasons which I never believed to be true.

A year ago, my answer to this question would have been a hard “NO” — if he hasn’t texted, he’s not interested, so why bother? But if you ask me today, my answer is “YES”.

Why?

Because it’s not about him, it’s about you. If someone caught your attention or sparked your interest, why spend time overanalyzing your interactions, searching the internet for answers, or stressing over what he thinks about you? Just text him and get it over with.

Once you do, one of two things will happen:

He didn’t really notice you before, but now that you’ve reached out, he’s receptive and interested.
He’s not interested, and now you can move on instead of wasting time wondering.

If you keep debating whether to text him or not, the answer is simple — text him so you can stop thinking about it.

The Experience That Changed My Mind

On New Year’s Eve, I met someone at a boat party. We had a great conversation, shared a similar outlook on life, and even had the same sense of humor. I thought there was something there, and when he asked for my Instagram, I assumed he felt the same. But he never texted.

At first, I told myself that if he was interested, he would reach out. But I kept thinking about him. So eventually, I decided to send him a meme. Turns out, he barely even remembered our conversation. I had assumed he was just waiting to text, but the truth was, he simply wasn’t that interested.

That moment made me realize something: was I texting because I really wanted to, or was I just convincing myself that he liked me when he actually didn’t? In this case, it was the latter.

After this experience, I decided that I would text the guy first if I find myself wasting too much time thinking about him.

In that case, I’ll send a message not because I expect something from him, but because I want to confirm the reality: either he’s not interested, or he simply didn’t notice me before. Either way, I get my answer and move on.

So, if you’re wondering whether you should text him first, ask yourself this:

Are you doing it because you genuinely want to?
Or are you doing it because you’re convincing yourself that he’s interested when he’s really not?

If it’s the second one, you could save yourself the trouble. If it’s the first, send the text, get your answer, and move on.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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