Six Intelligent Moves to Make During Heartbreak Warfare

Love hurts — especially when relationships become messy and the endgame draws nearer. Both parties attempt to avoid taking the worst of the hit by safeguarding their own interests — often at expense of the other.

People see sides of each other they never knew existed.

In certain cases (hint hint) people mischaracterize each other to the world in ways that are unfair and damaging.

Friends are lost. Careers get impacted. Reputations become ruined.

When such a public fallout happens, it can make us question our faith in all kinds of matters: love, beauty, goodness — humanity.

It becomes hard to comprehend how a person who represented everything that was beautiful about this earthly life — has now become cold and indifferent to our well-being.

It is crucial to understand that love with its elements of desire, conquest, and victory is not too different from war — it can bring peace and stability but also wreck chaos and destruction.

Here are six intelligent moves to make during heartbreak warfare. I have spilt a lot of my own blood and guts to bring these to you intact.

1.De-escalate.

Breeeeeeaaaaaaaaathe!

If you’re standing — sit down.

If you’re sitting — lie down.

If you’re lying down on a sofa — find a comfortable position and go to sleep.

Seriously — Sleep on it. Don’t let emotions exacerbate situations. When we become impulsive, we often do or say things that we will eventually regret. This is 100% true.

Therefore, be the bigger person — the one who steps down first.

Don’t say that thought. Don’t send that text.

Don’t do anything stupid.

2. Lay Low.

People get tired of each other.

Especially when they are participants in a shouting match.

Sometimes you just need to get away from the eye of the storm. So …

Skip town.

Take a road trip.

Go meet your cousins living in Minnesota.

Go surprise that childhood friend you haven’t said hi to since high-school.

In short — disappear. Remember, this is an off-grid solution. So, keep your cell-phone usage and social media presence to a minimum. Master the essence of laying low.

The point of this whole exercise is to take a physical and emotional break from the exhausting presence of each other. Hopefully clouds have dispersed when you return and the sun is not afraid to shine again 🙂

3. Find something to do — become obsessed.

This is a way to cope with the pain and nostalgia of a failing relationship.

It involves keeping busy with something that is interesting enough to take your mind off the disappointment.

Coping mechanisms are extremely important — be sure to find your own.

It could be something new and exciting — like learning to surf or play chess.

Or it could be something that you’ve been doing all along — like your job or a hobby.

Come at it with a renewed focus and passion. Plan and structure your days to get the most of out of your efforts. Visualize how you can attain mastery in something.

Plan a weekly to-do-list.

Set a monthly goal.

Work towards a six-month benchmark.

Get better at it — one day at a time. Make it the mission of your life.

Research. Buy books. Attend seminars and workshops. Practice daily.

Become obsessed.

4. Don’t rush reconciliations — let them happen naturally.

If someone tells you directly or indirectly that they need a break, it can mean one of the two things.

a) they need some time off

b) they are done with you

The trouble is you never one which one it is. Sometimes, neither do they.

Things have simply reached a crescendo of disagreeableness.

If you’ve managed to *uck up things this far— take comfort in knowing that your job is done. The ball is now in their court.

If someone really wants to continue being a part of your life then they will find a way to do so. If they don’t — all your attempts at recreating the lost garden of eden are futile.

Your chasing a forced reconciliation will either make you look needy and desperate, or worse — dangerous. Worst case scenario — you might be misconstrued a threat.

Let the reconciliation come about naturally. You might run into each other a month or two later at an event or a class — who knows!

If you’ve followed Steps 1, 2, and 3 correctly, you have demonstrated sufficient maturity, patience, and self-respect to incite goodwill, curiosity, and perhaps even attraction.

5. Start looking elsewhere.

Recognise that if things are not working out — why beat a dead horse?

As cliché as it sounds — explore your options.

Or stay content with being by yourself.

Some things are not meant to last forever.

If you’ve come so far and are reading this — you’ve probably experienced this phenomenon first-hand in your life. Through the years you have weathered the loss of friends and loved ones to waves of time and circumstance crashing against your shore leaving you marooned and distraught.

They left. Yet, their memory remains.

I remember all my past relationships. All the wonderful people who touched me in more ways that I will ever be able to thank them.

Thank you.

I loved you.

I still keep you close to my heart.

Wherever you are — I hope I left you better than you found me.

However, when it is all said and done — life goes on. Time makes fools of us all. What seems so important now is going to be nothing but a blip in our human consciousness ten years later.

This too shall pass.

We are all creatures of the moment — so be present. Don’t dismiss that person who always smiles at you across the hallway. Go up and say hello. Maybe they are in the same boat as you.

6. Keep your guard up

Last but not the least — expect curveballs to be thrown your way.

Some people are really nice and they will give you a chance at closure. They will invite you to sit with them on a quaint bench by the park and grant you that last bittersweet conversation.

However, others will go out of their way to make sure you suffer and hurt in evil ways after the relationship is over.

Either ways, be wise to it all and stay on the defensive.

Remember that anything immoderate — be it affection or disappointment from your end in the shape of texts, recordings, or photos — could very well be used against you.

Pay close attention to what you share and how you communicate in these last stages of a combustible relationship.

…

Phew!

Love is beautiful but it also carries the potential to be dangerous. It can vitalize the soul but also wither the spirit. If you embark on this rollercoaster — be prepared for the highest highs and lowest lows. Also, practice caution. Here is a recap of the right moves to make when the endgame draws near.