In Aikido, I invite the attack. Don’t oppose the attack. Don’t aggress against aggression. If I defend, I can be defeated. There is no fight. There never is.
In Sunday morning Aikido practice, I practiced ryu-katate technique where the attacker grabs my wrist with both of their hands. I did kotegaeshi (wrist lock), yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the attacker’s head), and other various throws.
While I threw my attackers, Ishibashi Sensei looked at me. I thought that I had made a mistake. Well, not exactly. Sensei smiled, “Fix your face.” I got it. I had on my angry face. I aggressed the attack. I threw like I was pissed off. I made it that the attackers were against me, when it’s only me against me. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. I work on myself, not on them. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.”
When the attacker strikes or grabs me, I let them. I invite the attack. Don’t oppose the attack. Don’t oppose the attacker. I enter the attack and die with honor. Ishibashi Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” I get in the distance of the attack. I make my timing. Under the attack, I hold my position. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough.
When someone attacks, I work on myself, not on them. If they want to attack, I let them. I let them into my center. I apply the Aikido technique on myself, not on them. The attacker and the attack are irrelevant. I choose to let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or stand down. I give the choice of mercy or not. The attacker chooses which. I work on being the greater man, the greater person. There is no fight. I can smile. That was Ishibashi Sensei’s lesson.
I have nothing to do with what goes on inside the person who attacks me, either physically, verbally or emotionally. I have a say in what goes on inside me. In the moment of the attack, in the danger, I choose who I am and what I do. I invent the best version of myself.
The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. There I hold my position. I open up and let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. There is no fight. I let go my fear. Let go my anger. Let go my mean face. I smile.
When my friend needs help, she uses me. Otherwise, when everything is cool, I’m not that meaningful. I get it: I’m not good enough. I work on myself, not on others. I change, not them. I have nothing to do with what’s going on inside someone else. That I’m used occurs as an attack at least from where I stand. Kobayashi Sensei said, “Whoever attacks you is asking for your help.” Someone attacks, someone disrespects, because they have lost their connection to me. I do my best to repair and restore that broken connection. I have compassion. I smile.
Attacks are not about the attacker. They never are. That’s on me: What I have to do; what I have to give up; who I’m going to be. The attacker is just my reflection, the reflection of my fear inside me. When someone attacks be that physically, verbally or emotionally, it’s only me against me. Like O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I enter the attack, get under the attack. That’s the safest place to be. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. I free me. I’m the only one who can. I smile, too. Well, at least I try.
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Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash
