It’s been 2 weeks. You haven’t heard from this guy. Is he playing with you?
Clearly, he is.
I mean, there’s no way someone can be THAT busy for 2 weeks. A single reply only takes a minute.
Being ghosted sucks. It makes you feel like shit.
“Am I not pretty enough? what’s wrong with me?!!!!”
You can get stuck in that rabbit hole or accept the reality that he is indeed ghosting you.
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
I tried to change a man’s mind one time — it didn’t work. Not because I didn’t have the best “trick”.
The truth is, the more you chase them, the more they’ll drift apart.
I learned it the hard way.
And in general though, if people have made up their minds that they don’t want you then nothing’s gonna change. They wouldn’t care if you lose yourself and lose everything just to try to get them back.
It’s never our job to convince someone that we’re worthy of love.
Here are what not to do when you’ve been ghosted:
Demanding for a closure
No no.
A big no, girl.
The last thing you want to do after he ghosted you is to chase him like crazy. I knew a girl who lost her sh*t and did everything she could to get an explanation.
She sent endless texts message, DMs on Instagram, and emails and even asked the guy’s friend to let him know that she was waiting.
The result? She was more depressed than ever.
And yes, still no explanation from the guy. He just disappeared with no goodbyes — until now.
The thing is, you don’t actually need an explanation to move on. You don’t need to hear those exact words; “it has nothing to do with you.”
Trying to chase a “ghoster” just for the sake of getting closure will only hurt you more. Been there, done that.
Trying to take on a revenge
Letting go of someone who hurts you to the core is hard. Especially when it feels like unfinished business. It’s a lot more challenging to move on.
I get the frustration.
At this phase, taking on revenge might sound like a sweet idea. You want to make sure he sees your pain. You think he deserves the worst thing in the world after what he’s done to you.
“How dare him being out there and dating other people while I’m here still hurting?”
Freaking unfair.
So you go out and make out with his best friend. You reach out to the girl he’s been seeing and tell her he is nothing but a f*ckboy. You make sure you ruin his dating life.
Doing all this might feel good in the short term but you also waste so much time for a guy who’s already long gone.
Because if I were you, I’d prefer to spend that time focusing on myself. I’m already running on empty anyway. The cup needs a refill.
Taking care of yourself after heartbreak is crucial. You’ve already lost him and you don’t want to lose another person — yourself.
Showing how to hurt you’re on social media
There are a couple of reasons why you should never trash your ex (or ex-crush) on social media:
- It doesn’t do you any favors but put your image badly.
- No one actually cares — people focus too much on their own life.
- Your ex probably won’t bother to ever see your posts and what you’re about to say.
I admit I didn’t handle rejection really well when I was in my early 20s. I thought I had the right to “talk sh*it about him” on Insta because duh, my feelings are valid!
It’s a stupid mistake I’d regret forever.
It made my self-esteem even lower. Instead of doing the same mistake as I did, go to your best friend or create a Reddit/quora forum to talk to people.
The only thing you need right now is new perspectives so you can look at your situation in a better way.
Only then you can start to move on and let go of the pain.
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Final Notes
One thing to remember is that when he decided to pull this ghosting move on you, it speaks more about his low self-esteem.
Yes, you heard that right.
Not taking it personally is key in order to move forward. Because if you keep thinking somehow there’s something you can do to make him stay, then you’ll forever be revolving your life around him.
That’s why it’s also not worth it to take back someone who ghosted you before. No matter how “logical” the excuses are.
His car broke down. He got fired from his job. His family member passed away. These reasons seem valid but it still doesn’t justify their bad behavior.
Who cares.
To put it simply: a man who thinks you’re important will do anything to keep you in his life — anything.
So let’s stop letting a man make excuses for his bad decisions. It’s time to make a room for the one who can match his words with his actions.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Blake Cheek on Unsplash