So What’s a Brown Boy To Do?

My story. What is my story? When you read Miguel Machado talk about constructing your own mythology on what it means to be a man, the conversation begins. As a mix-Mexican-American (half Polish-half Mexican), I was terrified of what being a man supposedly meant: at least as it was portrayed by my (Mexican) father whose misogynistic treatment of my mother horrified me. Drinking beer after beer was the way a man is, that’s what he does. So: what does a young Brown boy do? I wanted to un-witness my father’s beatings of my mother, his drunken forays into our house and through the neighborhood. Yet, I loved this man. But I did not become him, his way of being a man. He was more than just a frightening human being who could hurt us, I know that. We are not all just one thing. We don’t just inhabit one fault, or one trait. Absolutes are fairy tales. Dad loved me, I know.

Growing A Brighter Tomorrow in Detroit by UP ART Studio @upartstudio, Detroit [Photo credit: Author]

So what am I saying? Building our own male mythology is self-creation, an evolution of self that beckons us to be actively engaged in constructing our lives, our choices, our loves. I am my father’s laugh. I am his smile, his heartbreaking hugs, his bellowing a-hai’s when listening to his mariachi music. But I am NOT his fists, his drunken anger, his terrifying car rides, his endless, bottomless desire to objectify the women in his world. I am Ruben, a father, a grandfather, a husband, a wanna-be modern dancer, an aspiring opera composer, a man who loves creative writing and teaches student with disabilities to honor their art, their identities. I am a man who loves fully, who continues to work at building my own male mythology, being sure to include all men, black or brown or white. Love is love. I am who I love. Together, we are love’s answer.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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