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As if dating weren’t complicated enough in the meet-anyone-everywhere world of Tinder, a 2017 survey has found that there’s a new deal breaker on the horizon: serious debt.
That wouldn’t be a big deal if we didn’t happen to also live in times of record-breaking amounts of student loan debt. (The U.S. is currently dealing with $1.44 trillion dollars in student debt and counting.)
So it seems that dating now doesn’t just come with its usual mixed bag of mystery and confusion, but also with the question: How can I date if I’m in debt? The short answer: Start getting your student loan debt in order, even if it will take awhile to pay it off.
3 ways to get your student loan debt in order
Earlier this year, student loan refinancing company SoFi surveyed 2,000 millennials between the ages of 25 and 35 to see what they think about dating and debt.
The bad news: 20.9 percent of respondents said owing serious debt is a deal-breaker. The good news: 55.4 percent said they wouldn’t dump their partner over debt, while 39 percent said it would depend on the amount.
Overall, the survey indicates that debt is an important issue, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road for your dating life. And if you want to be sure of that for yourself, follow these three steps.
1. Face the numbers
The first thing you should do to get your student loan debt in order is figure out exactly how much debt you’re dealing with. This might not seem that important if you’re diligently making your monthly payments, but that number you graduated with isn’t what you’ll end up paying.
Don’t forget about what happens when that balance gets multiplied by the interest and the number of months you’re in repayment. The results might show that you’ll end up paying significantly more than you thought at the beginning, which is all the more reason to get it under control now.
Do the math to see how much you’ll owe in student loans in the end, so you’ll understand the amount of debt you’re facing. Master the numbers so they don’t become the master of you.
2. Learn how — and when — to talk about your debt
Make sure you understand the right moment to talk about your debt (also know that “never” is probably not a good answer). When you decide to bring it up is up to you, but if big details about your lives are starting to come up, and there’s an organic way to work this into the conversation, consider doing so.
Look at it this way: If you’re already talking about things such as goals and money, it could seem like a lie of omission not to bring up your debt at that point. And that could be more damaging to the relationship than simply having debt. Trust and communication are key attributes to successful relationships.
At the same time, you might want to avoid delving into this on the first date, unless specifically asked. Like all difficult adult issues, there’s a time and place for the discussion of debt. Just make sure you’re ready for it when that time comes.
And if you want a more data-backed answer, SoFi’s survey found that 57.6 percent of respondents said the time to share the truth about your debt is when you start sharing household expenses. Another 29.9 percent said the time to do it is when you become exclusive. And only 8.3 percent said to discuss your debt as soon as the second date.
And how do you broach the difficult subject? It’s one thing to admit to having six figures of debt, but it might sound a lot better if you can also talk about what you’re doing to free yourself from it. That’s where a plan of action comes in.
After all, which of these two phrases would you rather hear from a partner? “I have six figures of debt, so, yeah…” or, “I have a non-trivial amount of student loan debt but I’m doing XYZ to take care of it.”
3. Create your plan of action
Once you know how much debt you have, and how to discuss it, you’ll want to work toward solving the problem once and for all.
Sure, you could keep making your minimum monthly payments until your ultimate payoff date. But there are ways to pay off your debt sooner without drastically changing your monthly budget.
Here are a few strategies to try:
- Refinance your student loan debt: If your career and income are very stable, consider refinancing your student loans for a lower interest rate. The lower your interest rate, the more of your hard-earned money can go straight to your principal balance. There is one caveat: If you refinance federal student loans, you’ll lose access to options like federal student loan forgiveness and income-driven repayment plans.
- Make biweekly payments: Here’s an easy trick for you. Split your monthly student loan payment in half and pay that amount every other week — making sure that the first two payments come in before your next due date so you don’t get behind. This simple switch results in you making one extra full payment per year. And, if you’re paid biweekly, it’s easy to incorporate this trick into your budget.
- Try the debt avalanche or snowball method: If you have more than one loan — or more than one type of debt — try a strategic debt payoff method. List your debt from lowest balance to highest (snowball) or highest interest rate to lowest (avalanche). Once you pay off a debt, add its minimum payment to the next loan’s monthly payment, while still paying the minimum on the rest of your debt. Keep doing that each time you pay off a loan, so that the amount paid to what’s left increases, even though the total you pay each month stays the same.
- Dedicate extra money to your debt: Have a bonus from work? A tax refund? A raise? If extra money comes into your life and you want to beat debt, forget about upgrading your car or apartment. Instead, apply it to your student loan debt.
Controlling debt can stop it from controlling your dating life.
If the weight of student loan debt is so burdensome you think it might just be better to avoid dating until it’s gone, think again. Student Loan Hero discovered in a recent survey that debt is millennials’ No. 1 source of financial stress.
This means you’re not alone in worrying about what a prospective partner thinks of your student loans. But it doesn’t have to be a problem if you discuss it in a timely, comfortable way and show you have a plan to deal with it.
Debt is just one of the many ways you’ll learn to adult. And showing confidence and strategy in the face of an obstacle will show your partner how you’ll handle other issues down the road.
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