Houston, we have an emotional problem!
Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts broke down and began yelling and screaming at each other while their chances of returning to earth alive dwindled? They needed every second they had to work out their power issues with ground control.
They did it! They worked through their issues, found a solution, and lived to tell the world about it.
How many times have you unloaded on your boyfriend and later regretted the outburst? I know I have felt bad after cutting off a driver and then following up with my middle finger!
I felt like a loser. I felt even more of a loser when I found out the driver was 75 and I almost gave her a heart attack.
Learning to deal with life’s curve balls logically, without all the emotions is a much better plan. I like to count to ten and take two deep breathes before I do or say anything. It works! I have also learned that when I have the time, I can write the problem down and examine the source of my toxic emotions.
I am better armed to deal with it in a logical manner if I take this time. The few minutes spent thinking, diffuses my emotions and helps me think more clearly.
I now know the person who is on the receiving end of my rant might never look at me the same again. He or she might never compromise on the issue because I was so “over the top.”
This means handling situations with emotion instead of logically and realistically becomes a lose/lose situation. People want win/win solutions to their problems and arguments.
Of course, bottling up your emotions can be problematic too, especially if you are a guy. Guys tend to keep things to themselves. Women naturally lead with their emotions so what are they to do? Bottle them up also?
How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship
Dial Back The Neediness
Everyone is emotionally needy to some point but the problem is when your neediness becomes smothering to your partner. Yes, there are times where you will want to lean on him – the loss of a loved one, best friend or treasured pet, but there are other times when you need to learn to manage your challenges without dragging him in every time.
If you must unload your suffering on someone, call a friend or family member. It isn’t that your guy doesn’t want to hear about what’s upsetting you. He does care. What he doesn’t want is to be the catch-all for your drama.
Burn Off Your Negative Energy, Stress And Anxiety
It is scientifically proven that exercising will help alleviate stress. It helps release chemicals that counteract the fight or flight chemicals which jump into action during those stressful, anxiety-laced moments. When you’re feeling highly emotional, go for a 3 mile run, head to the gym or kick box the crap out of a punching bag.
Resist The Urge To Text-Bomb Him
Whether he’s the source of your emotional upset or not, he doesn’t want to hear about it in texts. Women have sent me the texts they send their boyfriends before and I’m blown away by how long they are. If a guy has to scroll to read your text, he’s more likely just not going to read it. Again, it isn’t that he doesn’t care – he does. He just doesn’t want to deal with the highly emotional state you’re in at that moment.
Calm down and, when you’re feeling less stressed and anxious, shoot him a fun text – maybe even poke fun at what had you so worked up, if you’re feeling okay about it.
Examine What You’re Really Feeling And Why
Sometimes, we mislabel our emotions. We might think we’re sad when really, we’re mad as a hornet. Sometimes, hurt feelings can come across as anger. Take time to really examine what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Is it really that he didn’t screw the cap on the toothpaste or is it that every time you forgot as a kid, you got blasted for it?
Many times, we are blindsided by things from the past. They hit us, but they do so because someone else triggered that old anger, humiliation or hurt accidentally. It can be a real ah-ha moment if you dig deep enough to see where that’s really coming from. That’s when you can really get it off your chest.
What Would You Say To Your Best Friend?
If your best friend were going through what you’re feeling, what would you tell her? We often give our friends and family great advice but when we’re in the throes of a similar situation, all logic and reason flies out the window. Take a step back and treat yourself as well as you treat others. You’re not perfect. Cut yourself some slack – just like you do with your friends!
Build Your Confidence!
It’s when we aren’t confident that we are most reactive. We don’t believe in ourselves, so we don’t believe in our own ability to control anything but you do have control! You can learn to control this and in doing so, you will build your confidence! If you want help doing this, read about your inner game in my confidence book for women, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.
He Wants To Help!
Your guy does want to help you but guys are fixers of things. We don’t understand your need to just unload without expecting us to do something to fix the problem. You got rear-ended and the insurance company is giving you the runaround? We want to call them and get it straightened out! Your pipe under the kitchen sink burst and sent potato peels and mashed up food shooting all over your cabinets? We want to fix the pipe.
Of course, the problem is that you’re usually just venting. You don’t want us to fix it – not yet anyway. We don’t understand this so now we’re frustrated too. He wants to show you he loves you by solving your problems but he’s not going to listen to those problems if you’re crying your eyes out or slamming cabinet doors.
Once the situation has calmed for you, share it with him and let him help you.
Previously published on whoholdsthecardsnow.com and is republished here under permission.
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