Stop Trying To Detect Narcissism

The idea here isn’t to explain narcissism — I’m not sure I could if I wanted to. Instead, I’m going to show that it is possible and, recent experience has suggested to me, beneficial to understand why people with narcissistic traits or personas respond as they do. Doing so has helped me navigate people who have these characteristics much more than merely knowing the signs.

All people have patterns of behavior. A classic pattern for a person with narcissism is to Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO for short), as described by Jennifer Freyr. I only learned of the idea recently, and I feel it deserves more attention than it gets, as it contextualizes a lot of behaviors. But the article that I learned from neglected to offer a plausible mechanism.

Red and blue arrow sign surrounded by brown trees

In case you’re new to the idea, like me, DARVO is a simple three step process frequently used by narcissists that facilitates continued abuse while silencing any pesky blame.

The perpetrator abuses (or does something) and denies it.
The perpetrator identifies the cause of their actions in the abused person.
The perpetrator reframes the abused person’s behavior as abusive.

But, as I said, the article that introduced this pattern to me didn’t explain why this would happen. What would cause this particular pattern to play out repeatedly?

Recently, while doing some reading for work in a companion volume to the DSM-5, I stumbled on the beginning of an answer (citation below). The chapter remarked that, as it is possible to anticipate how people will act in certain circumstances, it is possible anticipate the actions of people with personality disorders in specific circumstances.

The idea is that it is reasonable to say, “IF you break John’s favorite cup, THEN he is going to be upset.” This is a conditional (if, then) statement about how an ordinary person will react to a stimulus. Research enables us to construct such a logic for Narcissistic people, as well.

Researchers Daniel Jones and Delroy Paulhus developed a theory: Narcissistic people react more to ego threats than physical ones. In a study involving ordinary [college students], they found that those with narcissistic traits responded this way (the methodology involved essay feedback, painful noise and a computer game — full transparency, since any psychological research ought to be taken with a grain or two of salt). The conditional developed by Jones and Paulhus was:

IF a narcissistic person got personally negative essay feedback, THEN they would more intensely noise-blast a competitor. If the essay feedback was positive, the noise blast was less intense.

This idea can be applied to the DARVO pattern.

The perpetrator Denies abuse/problematic behavior (1), because it threatens their ego (sense of superiority, grandiosity or whatever). But, even though the abuser maintains denial, more must be done since their image could be tarnished. So they Attack, (2.), construing the actions of the abused person as cause for [the action they supposedly didn’t do in (1.)]. Thus, the abuser transforms themself into a Victim. However, this doesn’t necessarily achieve (3.), painting the abused person as the true Offender (which requires gaslighting).

But why is it necessary to flip the roles in the first place? Why isn’t it enough for the abuser to achieve victim status? In some ways, (3.) goes beyond the need to gain power and control. But it is a retributive act, just like the noise blast in the researchers’ experiment. The DARVO pattern, along with a lot of other narcissistic behavior, is explained by the idea that narcissistic people react more to ego threats than physical threats.

Sources:

Beidel, Deborah C., Frueh, B. Christopher, Hersen, Michel. Adult Psychopathology and Diagnosis. Seventh Edition. P. 739–763. Wiley. ISBN: 978–1–118–65708–9

Jones, Daniel N., Paulhus, Delroy L. Different Provocations Trigger Aggression in Narcissists and Psychopaths. Social Psychological and Personality Science 1(1) 12–18. DOI: 10.1177/1948550609347591

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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