Growing up, I thought of the concept of being a successful man a lot differently than I do now.
I guess this is probably due to the movies we are often raised on from a young age. The ones which show the guy with the cool car getting the girls. The ones which show men to be sexist, just ‘boys being boys’. The ones where macho men never cry.
But are those things really manly? Is it manly to own a certain material possession? To destroy the planet? To treat women as lesser? To become emotionally detached?
I really think not. As men, as we age, we discover more about the world around us and our place in it. Naturally, our measure of success adjusts accordingly.
Here are some of the main ways I’ve come to view success as a man differently with the passage of time.
From Owning To Giving
I guess, when I was younger, I thought that the idea of a successful man was some crass yuppie stereotype. The guy with the huge mansion, the car collection. That type of guy. You know the type I mean!
In actual fact, I came to see things a lot differently.
Just because someone owns stuff, it doesn’t say anything about him. Maybe he had a trust fund? Maybe he inherited? Neither of those things are bad. But, by the same token, they don’t make someone any more or less manly than someone else.
These days, I tend to see it as a lot more manly to give than to own.
After all, not every man is able to own expensive things. But every many has 24 hours in his day.
How does he choose to use them?
For me, someone who uses his time to provide genuine value and contribution is a lot more manly than an overgrown boy who owns a lot of toys.
From Cocky To Humble
I think a lot of the TV shows made cocky cool. It was good to be a little arrogant. A little rude. That’s just how men are!
Think of Han Solo. James Bond. They’re not exactly shy and retiring types, right?
But, while that works well for the screen, it works a little less well in real life.
Nowadays, from where I’m standing, a true man is a humble man.
I guess this change of perspective has come from a mixture of observing the guys in my own life I consider to be the manliest, as well as being attuned to what felt right for my own self.
From my perspective, it’s a lot more manly to let success speak for itself. Don’t be some loudmouth social media brag. Just put the work in, and enjoy the rewards.
Although I don’t always manage to do it, my focus is very much on trying to keep myself as humble as possible.
These days, I try to leave the bragging to the boys.
From Reckless To Careful
Think about some classic ideas of masculinity. What comes to mind?
For me, it’s reckless behavior. The James Dean, Marlon Brando types. Devil may care risk-takers.
It’s manly to drink a lot, right? To put away huge portions of food?
Wrong.
From where I’m standing, it’s a lot more manly to make careful choices. To put genuine needs first. To treat yourself with care.
By doing this, you ensure you are able to show up for your family when they need you. To be the best man you can be, when it really counts the most.
This can include being careful with money, trying to reheat leftovers rather than reordering some kind of social media acceptable meal, and taking our health as seriously as possible.
As men, we owe it to ourselves, and our loved ones, to always be capable. Careful choices are the best path to making that happen.
Ultimately, From Received To Reflected On
I guess, if I had to summarize it, I’d say that my ultimate change in how I define success is moving from accepting the definition that’s thrust upon me by society, to reflecting on my own ideas of what it means.
As men, we need to constantly reflect upon our life, and how we see success within it. Your values change over time. Your circumstances do also.
Sticking with one definition of success throughout life probably means you haven’t taken the time to reflect properly. We’re all different, after all.
So how will I measure success in the future?
If I can sit down a decade from now, and write an even more mature version of this article, I will consider that pretty successful indeed.
After all, to be a real man, growth is the be-all and end-all.
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