By responding appropriately to your son’s depression, you will give him the strength to take the first step in treating his depression.
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As a parent, there is no greater challenge than feeling helpless in saving your child from pain. While we are quick to call a pediatrician when a child is physically hurt or sick, the uncertainty and Because some boys do not express their emotions, they may be facing stress alone which can build up of anxiety or depression. When we see our child facing a challenge, our first reaction may be to “fix” the problem and help our him feel better. What your son needs is not a solution, but a safe space to be honest about what he is feeling and how to get professional help. By responding appropriately to your son’s depression, you will give him the strength to take the first step in treating his depression.
Your son may not be vocal about needing help, but subtle signs may give you an indication that he needs your support, but is afraid or unsure of how to ask for it. If you don’t feel confident to help him, find resources and mental health professionals for guidance. When your son is depressed, you may feel guilty and start to blame yourself, other family members, your son’s friends, school, etc. It is crucial that you have compassion for yourself and your son. Don’t use your faith to dismiss your son’s depression. It does not imply that his faith is small or that he is being punished by God. If your child had a chronic physical illness, you would seek medical help, treat depression in the same manner.
One thing to keep in mind is that children and adults experience depression differently. The symptoms of teen depression are not as common as the symptoms in adult depression. Teens are not equipped with the same coping skills as adults. Teen boys, in particular, may not feel comfortable talking about their feelings. During the teen years, the signs of depression can often be mistaken for the normal mood swings of puberty.
1. Selective social isolation- Is he is socializing less and withdrawing from some people? Do you notice a change in how your son interacts with his friends? Is he not hanging out as much with his close friends for no apparent reason?
2. Irritability or angry outbursts- Again, this may be a sign of something else, but take notice if your son is easily angered or hostile. Unlike adults, teens are more likely irritable than sad when they are depressed.
3. Complaints of physical ailments- If you have ruled out a medical reason for his physical pain, does he complain of headaches, muscle aches or general malaise?
4. Highly sensitive to criticism -This is particularly true for Type A personalities. If your son is depressed, he may take a minor mistake as a major failure. He may also feel like giving up on something in which he excels.
5. Change in eating and sleeping patterns- Is your son waking up more in the middle of the night or having difficulty falling asleep? Do you notice that he has lost interest in eating his favorite foods or he is skipping meals?
6. Subtle changes- Your son may mask his depression by being overly happy.
What your son needs most from you is an understanding that depression is not just “feeling sad”. Belittling or negating his depression can lead your son to pretend that all is fine. In addition to providing a safe emotional space, and seeking help from a mental health provider, let your son know that there is no shame in acknowledging depression.
Please note that this list is only a guideline. Signs of depression in boys vary. Pay attention to any change in your son’s behavior, interests and academic performance. The effects of child/teen depression can result in reckless behavior and substance abuse. If you believe that your son is depressed, speak to his pediatrician or contact a counselor. Most importantly, stay connected to your son even if he is resisting your help. There’s a difference in being a helicopter parent and a concerned parent. Pay attention without being an alarmist. Check for signs of suicide such as giving away prized possessions, talking about feelings of worthlessness, and withdrawal from family and friends. Educate yourself on signs of mental illness by getting trained through Mental Health First Aid USA. Make sure you are also supported on your journey by having your own support system, check out the Family Center of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Remember that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your son.
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