A depressed man won’t typically ask for help. Surprise, surprise. Hell, I’ve known guys who’ve broken bones, torn ligaments, become intermittently homeless, and never mentioned a thing to anyone until long after the fact. While some of us may recognize the danger of enduring trauma without seeking assistance, it’s a habit that we’re unlikely to break anytime soon.
Perhaps a future exists where men speak freely about serious problems (doubt it). In the meantime, for today’s depressed man, here are 10 survival tips.
First:
There’s nothing wrong with being depressed. It’s not an ideal condition, but it doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently wrong with you. If someone tells you differently, ignore them.
Second:
No one is entitled to know how you feel. You have every right to establish personal boundaries as you see fit. People who disregard those boundaries may be trying to manipulate you. Don’t let them.
Third:
The right help is there for you when you’re ready. Look for it. Know your options before you decide to go anywhere for help. Finding a trustworthy resource can take time. Be patient.
Fourth:
Don’t let others’ discomfort dissuade you from taking care of yourself. Your job is not to keep others comfortable at the expense of your sanity. If your depressed state becomes an inconvenience for someone, don’t worry. You don’t need to explain a thing. You’re allowed to be depressed for as long as you want. You must take care of yourself first.
Fifth:
Take a break. Treat yourself to adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise, laughter, alone time, or whatever else that might make a slight improvement. If a real break is out of reach, then make more room in your life for healthy habits by cutting back on time wasters. Don’t test your limits.
Sixth:
There can be value in doing nothing at all. Even the slightest peace of mind makes things like meditation, prayer, or going for a walk worth your time. Don’t push yourself to stay busy and productive to the point that it strains your mental health.
Seventh:
Set goals everywhere you can. The goalposts set a one, two, or even five years out are important and serve their purposes. But daily, weekly, and monthly goals can be just as important. You won’t be able to tell ahead of time which goal will be the one to drive you on a given day. Especially on those really bad days when you struggle to see past what’s immediately in front of you, a tangible daily goal set ahead of time can be something firm to hold onto. Don’t share your goals, just make them. And hold yourself accountable.
Eighth:
Don’t pretend that depression will never come back, or else it will catch you completely off guard. Make changes to your life you know you should make. Get out of unhealthy environments. Cut back on unhealthy behaviors, like drinking and smoking, that can exacerbate depression. Don’t put it off. If you need help to make a change, then find help.
Ninth:
Get some therapy. A little goes a long way.
Tenth:
Improve your skills. Every man has a unique set of skills. Put time, effort, and resources into getting better at what you do. Attend classes, take online courses, get a few hours of extra practice each week, invest time and money into self-improvement. Whether or not this brings you material success, it will help you become more resilient to depressive episodes. In other words, it will help you become more badass.
Lastly, don’t believe anyone who tells you there’s something wrong with you. Give ’em a pair of mental middle fingers and go about your day. There’s nothing wrong with being different from others. Being unique is a strength.
Remember, even at your lowest point you’re not broken beyond repair. You have what it takes to survive one more day. And to get the help that you need.
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Talk to you soon.
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