Take It All With a Grain of Salt

My whole life has been a crash course in letting go. The more I’ve wanted things, the more they’d slip from my reach. The minute I’d stop caring that much, the very thing I was after would float into my life like a baby Moses on a bed of Nile.

We’re told to have aims, to have goals, to cultivate a sort of direction in life.

But there’s one catch nobody warns us about: as humans our desires are enveloped in emotions and feelings that act as buffers between ourselves and our goals. The Buddhist idea that urges us to rid ourselves of desires is not without reason. The aim is to act for the sake of acting, but to divorce oneself from desire which always spoils the show at the end.

How’s that?

First of all, I’ve noticed that the mere act of wanting something badly gives me anxiety. Instead of acting clear-headedly in the world, the longing sucks up the energy required for productive action, robbing me of efficiency.

Secondly, my failures sting more than they should. Instead of cultivating resilience, intense longing leaves me shattered when things don’t go my way..

This happens because I allow my desires to become part of my identity. Who am I without them? Those shiny golden bits I’ve worked so hard to plaster all over me, as armor.

But does that armor really protect me? If yes, from whom? Could it be that this armor actually harms me?

Or else, could that golden armor actually be a straitjacket, stifling my mobility, stunting my growth?

Live as a river, someone said. Flow constantly, change and evolve. Don’t get too hung up on things, because those “things” don’t define us. Good traits, accomplishments, possessions, success and looks do not determine our value, as neither do flaws, failures and poverty. We’re more than those things.

Aren’t we supposed to fight for our dreams and never give up?

Giving up and letting go are two very different things. To give up is to stop striving, to lose faith in oneself. To let go is to have the humility and breadth of vision to forsake the once dear, but outdated parts of identity.

Letting go can be very hard sometimes, the pain equaling that of death of a loved one, but I feel it’s a muscle that can be strengthened.

With a healthy dose of self-reflection and awareness, I know I can get better at letting go.

The most successful people in my life have all perfected the art of surrender, reinventing themselves repeatedly throughout their lives. The ones that refused to budge have stagnated, clinging desperately to the hollow ghosts of who they once were.

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. Matthew 6:25–34

I want to be that lily. I don’t want needless toiling and spinning to hinder my growth.

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock