On Variety Actors on Actors, Adam Driver and Charlize Theron discussed their craft, the art of acting.
Adam said, “One of my favorite things about other actors or being an actor is that it forces you to be empathetic. It forces you to use that muscle.”
Although I’m not an actor like Academy Award Nominee Adam Driver or Academy Award Winner Charlize Theron, I work on empathy. I practice and use that muscle. Just train.
The older I get, the less I care about what other people think. So long as I try to be the best person I can be. As long as I give people love and respect. One of my favorite things about getting old is learning empathy. I’m 63 years old and find solace in empathy.
Also the older I get, the more I get that it’s not all about me. It’s about others, about them becoming as great as they can be. Although I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else, I have a say in what goes on inside me. I don’t know what goes on inside others. I do know what it is to be human. I know what it is to be happy, what it is to be sad. I know what it is to be afraid. I know what it is to be scared inside.
In Aikido, Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido to release your fear.” When the bigger stronger man attacks, I wait it out, and enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.
The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” There is no fight. It’s me against me.
Under the attack, in the danger, I make my distance, make my timing. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. My fear of Dad when I was 8 years old. I have empathy even for my attacker. There is no fight.
I don’t know what goes on inside the attacker. They could be angry inside. They could be afraid inside, too. I choose to let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or stand down. We both choose. We choose what we do and who we are.
I believe that’s how empathy works. Empathy is a choice. We choose. If possible, I choose to have empathy, have mercy. There is no fight. I apply the Aikido technique on myself, not on the attacker. I work on myself, not on them. The attack itself doesn’t matter. I overcome myself, not others.
I train to become the better man, the better person. I give up being right and making others wrong. I let go my fear inside me that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. That’s all on me. I create space for others to let go their own fear inside themselves. Empathy is that space. We’re all human. We all have fear inside us. We all find our way to let go our fear inside, find our path to end suffering.
I teach Aikido to children and teens. When I was their age, I feared inside that I’m not good enough. I always had to be perfect. I couldn’t make mistakes. When I teach, I sometimes see that fear inside kids. I see myself in them. I have empathy.
I teach kids to enter what they fear, whether they’re afraid of making mistakes or they’re afraid that they’re not good enough. I teach them to throw with their feeling out, throw from their strength inside, from their one point, ki. Don’t hold on to their fear inside. They’re stronger inside than they know. That’s what the late Mizukami Sensei taught me.
In the samurai proverb: Nana korobi ya oki. Fall down seven times, get up eight. We all fall. We all fail. When we fall, when we fail, we get back up. We learn from our failures, from our mistakes. That gives us what to work on next. We put in the work. Move forward. It’s not like we have to get somewhere. Just train.
The late Mizukami Sensei was a father to me until he passed away. Sensei taught me that empathy is staying open, seeing the greatness in others, and getting them see that, too. When they get that, they just train. That’s what Mizukami Sensei did for me. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei. Their tireless empathy and belief in me helped make me who I am. I’m grateful.
Everyone has their own story for they can’t, for they’re not good enough. We use our empathy muscle to create the space for others to let go of their old story. The past is the past. Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done cannot be undone.” We generate the space for others to invent their new story about themselves, to invent themselves.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “Heaven is right where you’re standing, and that is the place to train.” We stand in heaven. Just train. There’s nothing to prove. We don’t have to be someone else. Empathy grants others the freedom to be themselves. So that they can be a great as they can be. The world becomes the greater place, too.
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Photo by Bogdan Yukhymchuk on Unsplash
