That’s Not How Cats Work

Running and hiding is an obvious way cats show you how they don’t work.

We adopted a kitten who, within less than 8 months, became a cat with a capital C. Her name is Leah, and she’s already larger than the two grown cats.

When she was born — and for 8 weeks — she and her siblings were visited and terrorized by a five-year-old boy. As kittens, they scrambled to hide from him by burrowing into the couch cushions whenever he plunked them onto the couch.

His mother found a pregnant cat, and persuaded a neighbor to foster her. Soon, the unsuspecting neighbor, who had never had cats, was fostering the original cat and five spotted kittens.

When we went to look at the kitten who became our Leah, the foster dad had only his desk and desk chair and a couch intact in the living area. He had turned the love seat on end, braced it against the wall, covered it in a sheet, and let the kittens climb all over it.

They all scrambled to the top when the demon child — I mean overly enthusiastic boy — came to visit.

A few months after we took Leah — the kitten who cozied up to my son and me when we went to see her and her siblings — the boy’s mom brought him with her when she came over to “pet the kitten”. Our now huge kitten immediately ran and hid when she heard his voice.

After a scamper through my entire apartment to look for Leah, the boy finally gave her up as a lost cause.

The mom, however, let him persist with chasing one of the other cats, Trixie, onto the patio. He turned to me and asked,

“Will she scratch or bite?”

“Yes, she will if she’s cornered. “

He starts out the patio door anyway.

“And you have her cornered.”

Do you think he stopped? If so, you don’t know little boys.

I stepped in front of him and closed the door. I’m sure I saw Trixie give me a grateful glance. And a baleful one to him.

What was his mother doing while this hurricane disguised as a little boy was terrorizing the cats?

She was still attempting to find and pet Leah herself. Looking under my beds and into my closets. I was wishing closet and bed monsters were real.

When finding Leah proved impossible, she commented on my impressive cat setup, which includes a cat tree, a cat bed or three, and a cat wheel. Not quite the foster dad’s total devotion to cat interior design, but adequate.

“Do they really use the cat wheel?” she asked in an overly excited voice, matching her rambunctious son’s high pitched tone.

“Quila is the only one who runs on it.”

Quila is the oldest, at eight-years-old, and is peacefully asleep in her cat bed. The mother immediately reaches in, grabs her, holds her belly-up, and carries her over to the wheel and plunks her down on it.

Quila, claws out, is appalled, jumps off the wheel, runs into my bedroom, and under the bed. She prefers possible bed monsters to grabby humans.

Ummm, that’s not how cats work

You can’t command a cat to let you pet them, nor can you make it do anything else it doesn’t want to do — such as run on a cat wheel.

Here’s how cats work

Obedience — they don’t do it

Cats don’t come when called. Well, except my Maine Coon Max did, but he and I both thought he was a dog. I’ve learned more about actual cats that aren’t Maine Coons since.

A study, published in the journal Animal Cognition, suggested that this (cats not coming when called) was because cats, unlike dogs, were not domesticated to listen to humans, or to try to please them. “Historically speaking, cats, unlike dogs, have not been domesticated to obey humans’ orders,” the authors wrote. “Rather, they seem to take the initiative in human-cat interaction.”

Why are they different that way from dogs? Because dogs need us, but cats are apex hunters who can survive in the wild. They’d rather curl up on your warm lap just as you need to get up and — I don’t know — go to work or something. But they don’t need to.

Nor do they need to demand you feed them only specific foods, in particular bowls, at certain times of day. Their ancestors ate birds and lizards, and so did one of mine whenever she escaped. They don’t need us. They simply treat us like servants because they can.

Cats are better hunters than dogs

Dogs needed ancient humans to help feed them, and humans needed dogs for protection. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

A recent study of more than 2,000 fossils showed that members of the cat family (felids) were better hunters and more capable of survival than their dog (canid) counterparts. The study, published in the journal PNAS, found that cats out-fought and out-hunted dogs, making the most of the available resources. That led to a significant decline in the number of wild dog species that survived. “The arrival of cats to North America had a deadly impact on the diversity of the dog family,” the report’s lead author, Dr. Daniele Silvestro, says.

Cats are all about consent

Cats have certain ways they prefer to be petted. Ways that don’t include chasing them, grabbing them, holding them facing up like babies, or petting near their tails. The spot above the tail is an erogenous zone for cats.

Some cats, like my Trixie Minx, WANTS you to pet her there. It’s a little scary how much she likes it. However, she also lets me pet and hold her tummy, which is not a cat-like thing, so I forgive her a little erogenous self-indulgence.

Photo of Trixie Minx letting me hold her tummy. Photo by author

According to researchers from the University of Lincoln, cats prefer being touched on their faces, “especially around their lips, chins and cheeks, where they have scent glands.” The worst place to pet a cat is at the base of the tail, which the researchers equated to “a cat erogenous zone” (there’s a phrase you didn’t expect to read today), which can be overstimulated to the point of being uncomfortable.

Unlike Trixie Minx, Quila will gently put her paw on your hand if you are petting her chest, and push your hand all the way off of her. At first, we thought she was trying to “hold hands”, or get us to pet her lower, but she pressed on our hands until they hit the chair, couch, or floor. No mistaking that intent.

Cats purr for more than one reason

Do your cats purr? Quila purrs like a motor. It’s heartening to think she loves me that much. But wait.

It seems cats purr at other times, not only when we’re loving on them.

According to Leslie Lyons, an assistant professor at the School of Veterinary Medicine at the University of California, Davis, cats may purr as a way to stimulate their bones and muscles without expending any real energy or stressing their bodies. “Although it is tempting to state that cats purr because they are happy, it is more plausible that cat purring is a means of communication and a potential source of self-healing,” Lyons told Scientific American.

Here’s another reason to know how cats work. Their purring hits frequencies that can heal humans as well.

New scientific and anecdotal evidence indicates that the vibrations of a cat’s purr can help fight infections, reduce swelling and pain, and promote muscle growth and repair. A cat’s purr at a frequency of 18 to 35 hertz may also support tendon repair and joint mobility. At 25 to 50 hertz, purring promotes the healing of injured muscles and tendons. At 100 hertz, purring can reduce pain, increase recovery time after surgery, and ease breathing in patients with chronic pain.

Dr. John Knight wrote the above, and he is a hand, wrist, and upper extremities doctor for people.

Here’s some anecdotal evidence. When I was home after surgery, a week in the hospital, and a week in rehabilitation after breaking both ankles at the same time, my cats were ready to serve. They slept and purred on my ankles most days and nights.

My doctors said I healed amazingly fast, and well. The cats and I know why.

Or, maybe Quila and Trixie just loved the fact that I couldn’t get up and walk away.

Now that’s how cats work.

Dogs Require You to Exercise, Cats Not so Much

In fact, quite the opposite

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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