After a few months, what began as a fling became a full-fledged relationship. This is usually when things fall apart, and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.
It’s going to be different this time. This one will be flawless, and you will not make the same mistakes as the previous one. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship blunders, or that fiery cloud will appear again.
Contrary to popular belief, both men and women commit this relationship crime.
Gentlemen. Please don’t assume your partner is aware of your admiration for them. Don’t assume you don’t need to express your feelings for them. They can’t read your mind, and if you don’t say anything, they won’t know. So remember to say it frequently.
Ladies. I know you think letting your partner in on your problems is romantic, but it’s neither realistic nor fair. Women want to believe that their ideal partner will know what’s wrong or what to do to make it right. We understand it ruins the fairy tale, but you’ll have to overcome it. You’ll probably have to tell him when he makes you angry because he has no idea. Yes, it’s difficult to believe. I assure you that he is not ignoring you or acting despite you. He has no idea. Tell him, and then tell him what he can do better the next time and how he can make it right this time.
Gentlemen and ladies. Giving directions while having sex is the only sure way to get exactly what you want. We’ve just agreed that neither gender is capable of mind reading, so make sure you express yourself clearly.
Not Standing Up for Yourself
This is an all-too-common male and female habit. This habit is motivated by the same sense of self-worth in both genders but manifests differently.
Some men believe that in order to keep a woman’s favor, you must submit to everything she desires. She’ll drop him like a hot potato if they start disagreeing with her. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women prefer a strong gentleman over a puppy. Men appear to believe that there are only two options: the pushover who puts up with everything, or the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, oblivious to the fact that there is a perfect median. Instead of loving their partner, they end up resenting them.
The same holds true for women, except that they almost always express resentment through passive aggression. Don’t do it! There’s no reason. A man does not want a woman who cannot think for herself or who pretends to agree with him before punishing him with passive-aggressive tactics.
Accepting Sacrifice As a Rule
Most people believe that love necessitates sacrifice. Don’t get me wrong: I understand that relationships necessitate effort and compromise, but they never necessitate sacrifice. Let me explain why.
A sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less in any given situation. When this concept is applied in relationships, it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, recognize that your partner has a life before you, and respect that he or she will not, and should not, change everything just because you ask.
For instance, if your partner has a friend who makes you extremely uncomfortable because you know they have feelings for your partner, you have three options, only one of which will result in a healthy relationship:
1. Request that your partner stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice in order to stay in a relationship with you.
2. Pretend you don’t mind until all hell breaks loose.
3. Tell your partner how you feel and see what you can do to help each other overcome your fears.
Perhaps they invite you to become friends with this person, or perhaps they decide not to do certain things together, and so on. Agree on a strategy that works for both of you.
If your relationship is worth far more than the sacrifice, you should never feel compelled to give up something you don’t want to give up for your significant other. Perhaps you quit smoking in the house for this person, or you relocate across the country and give up your home because you want them in your life. Remember, you should do it because you want to, not because you have to.
Thanks for reading!
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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