The 5 Secrets to Getting More Love

Okay men, I have a question for you. Do you feel loved?

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I don’t know why, but a lot of men never get into this conversation. And I think we should. So honestly — do you feel loved? I mean if you and I were sitting in a room talking one-on-one and you knew no one else was listening what would your answer be? Would you say you felt like you had enough love? Would you say that you wanted to be loved more? Do you sometimes feel neglected when it comes to love? Would you like more love?

I think that most men, if they were being truthful at the most basic level, would say that they would like to get more love. I think a lot of men, whether they want to admit it or not even if they are married, still sometimes feel lonely.

So the question is, how do you get more love? Here are some tips and techniques on how to get more love, how to feel more loved, and how to live a more fulfilling life of love.

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#1 — Don’t think of love as being “tit-for-tat”

I think far too many men think of love as being way too transactional. If I wash my wife’s car, or pack her lunch or run an errand for her when she’s feeling tired, then there must be some sort of return for me. Most men think of love is being kind of an exchange; “I do A in exchange for B.” I think this is a huge mistake and wrong. Love is not about an exchange of “I do one thing for you and you do one thing for me.” It is not tit-for-tat. The reality is if you really love someone you would do things for them because you want to, just because you love them.

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#2 — Give love

I believe in order to get love, you have to give love. What does this mean? It simply means that when you give love unconditionally, and you give fully from the bottom of your heart, your partner will want to return the love back at you tenfold, because her heart will melt. Help her when she is struggling with something, or when she is tired, or when she is upset. As Edwin Lewis Cole once said, “The degree of loving is measured by the degree of giving.”

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#3 — Ask her what she wants

Talk to your wife about her dreams her goals and what she wants out of life. Then make sure you do everything you can in order to make her dreams come true. Make sure that you are her true number one champion in helping her achieve her dreams and goals. Instead of being the one who holds her back, be the one who inspires her and helps her move forward.

Dale Carnegie said it best when he said, “The best way in life to get what you want is to help other people get what they want.” When you ask your wife what it is that she wants and you truly listen and care about the answer and act upon it, she will know that you love her unconditionally and she will try to help you achieve your dreams and ambitions as well. She will fell loved.

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#4 — Make small gestures of love

Sometimes in life it is not the huge diamond ring, or the pearls, or the tickets to the Broadway show that make all the difference. Don’t get me wrong, they certainly make an impression, but here’s the truth  — anyone can buy a diamond or pearls or tickets. I however, think that the small things often make a bigger difference. The first year that my wife and I were together I gave her a Christmas stocking. In the stocking were small things that I carefully selected, all of which had great meaning for her. She was very touched that I took the time and effort to go out and find her favorite things for her stocking.

A small gesture of love such as a handwritten love note, breakfast in bed, or stopping at the grocery store to buy her favorite peanut butter because you knew she was out of it can make all the difference. In this case it truly is the thought that counts, because it proved you were thinking of her. As St. Teresa once said, “Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love for they enkindle and melt the soul.”

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#5 — Tell her

I think that once people have been in relationships for a while unfortunately they stop verbalizing their love.

Guys, stop taking her for granted. I think it is a good idea to tell your wife that you love her dearly, or how happy she makes you, or the fact that she is absolutely the most gorgeous creature on the planet.

Often when I talk to men they tell me they stop saying those things, because “she already knows it.” Just because you told her three years ago that she was beautiful doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to hear it. Besides she may think you don’t think she’s beautiful anymore. Take her in your arms look into her eyes- and tell her that she means everything to you.

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So here is the ultimate irony — as a man if you want more love, the secret is to give more love.

Please don’t tell me that you’re not going to try because there’s no guarantees that you will get more love in return. Just do this. You are not married to robot who has a heart of stone, you’re married to a gorgeous soul of a human being who just wants to be loved just like you. She wants to feel loved too. When you give love, just give it, and trust me man, you will get it back in more ways than you can ever imagine.

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This post is republished on Medium.

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