“Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.” — George Eliot

Powerfully charismatic couples. Who are they and how do we become like them?

It seems some people were born lucky and seem to find that once-in-a-lifetime alluring superstar kind of love in each of their relationships.

My friends Miranda and Marvin are a powerfully charismatic couple.

Powerfully charismatic couples believe in something powerfully and share that belief with others. Their conviction and consistent actions influence others to follow. In this case, that belief is in their love. It draws others in and makes them want to fall in love.

Do you know a couple like that?

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When Marvin and Miranda met, it was not love at first sight. If anything, Miranda thought Marvin was too aloof for her liking, and Marvin thought Miranda was too social for a shy introvert like him.

One weekend, they bumped into each other at a social gathering with mutual friends. They quickly realized that much as they had many differences, they also shared a lot of similarities. They agreed to meet over coffee the next evening.

As they say, the rest is now history.

They went on to grow their powerfully charismatic relationship over time. They recently got married and started a family. They are gradually forming a blueprint of how to become more powerfully charismatic couples in relationships for all of us in their circle of friends.

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There is no secret group that is entitled to the powerfully charismatic kind of love in relationships. We can all achieve it. It all comes down to certain traits powerfully charismatic couples have in common, that you can learn and adopt quite easily and effectively.

Here are 7 common traits of powerfully charismatic couples that you can adopt to improve your own relationships

1. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Love Each Other

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.” — Katherine Hepburn

When you truly love someone, you give everything you can and never expect anything in return. The beauty of this concept when you are in a powerfully charismatic relationship is love becomes the gift that keeps on giving for you and your partner.

When it comes to powerfully charismatic couples, they love each other more than they need each other. Because of this, the relationship itself becomes a safe haven to practice love.

And love, ultimately, is a practice — a daily rehearsal of honesty, presence, communication, acceptance, forgiveness, and stretching the heart and mind through new and vulnerable dimensions.

Love is not a destination. We should not aim to arrive at that feeling of “perfect” all the time.

Love is a daily journey.

It is showing up for all the unexpected and inconvenient nuances of a relationship, and choosing your partner over and over again.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

Aim to be intensely committed to being the embodiment of love. Through continuous devotion to your partner, through your tenderness, affection, and love, a powerfully charismatic relationship will blossom and continue to flourish.

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2. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Value Clear Communication

“Honest, open communication is the only street that leads us into the real world. We then begin to grow as never before. And once we are on this road, happiness cannot be far away.” — John Joseph Powell

Communication in relationships, at its core, is about connecting and using your verbal, written and physical skills to fulfil your partner’s needs. It’s not about making small talk.

Powerfully charismatic couples know that communication is about understanding your partner’s point of view, offering support and letting your partner know you are their number 1 fan.

For many people, their relationship takes a major hit when one of them gets angry. It is important that you learn to communicate with your partner even through your emotions.

Find someone who still knows how to talk to you when they are angry.

At the beginning of their relationship when Miranda was angry and did not dare to confront her partner, she relieved that by talking about Marvin to another person.

A good rule of thumb with Miranda’s method of coping is if you can’t say it to your partner’s face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back. So, it creates a positive mindset shift for her.

Powerfully charismatic couples communicate openly and honestly as much as possible and this helps their relationships thrive.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

Communicate openly and honestly each time you speak with your partner.

Also, learn to use your words with your partner. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so. If you don’t like it, speak up. Communicate.

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3. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Know When To Let Things Go

“Don’t turn a minor disagreement into a flat out war; sometimes, you just have to learn to let things go.” — Dave Willis

Human beings are complex creatures. Every relationship will experience some difficulties at some point.

For many, when disagreements arise in a relationship, the easier thing to do is to run away especially if they are not a confrontational person by nature.

I am not confrontational, I cower at any sign of conflict. I lose count of the number of times I switched my phone off after I had a disagreement with my partner so that I was unreachable. This is wrong. I am working on myself.

Powerfully charismatic couples recognize that it is important to catch themselves and communicate amidst disagreements because this is not just about one individual. It is not just about whether or not they feel like dealing with their differences with their partner.

It is about what their relationship needs in order to grow and thrive in the long run. They put their relationship’s needs ahead of their own for a moment.

For powerfully charismatic couples, both partners are committed to dealing with disagreements openly because running from them will only make matters more difficult to deal with down the road.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

One of the most simple and effective tools people in relationships can use to ease the process of dealing with disagreements is using positive language. Relationships flourish when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts in a positive way.

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4. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Encourage Each Other’s Personal Growth and Development

“Growth is the only evidence of life.” — John Henry Newman

Powerfully charismatic couples thrive upon the growth of their partner.

Powerfully charismatic couples are not intimidated by their partner’s personal growth and development. Instead, they will celebrate the person that their partner is today, and look forward to being with the person they are growing into.

Aiming for personal excellence is how we bring the best of ourselves into every other aspect of our lives.

For powerfully charismatic couples, both partners are committed to lifelong learning and growth. They allow their curiosity to lead them to new discoveries about themselves and their relationship. And this gives them the freedom to keep growing as individuals in their super loving relationship.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

Embrace personal growth and development with open arms, and all the changes that come with it.

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5. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Listen To Understand, Not Just Respond To Each Other

“The first duty of love is to listen.” — Paul Tillich

Powerfully charismatic couples know it is not enough to listen to your partner just so that you can have something to say back. Instead, they listen to listen. They listen to understand, and they consider their partner’s emotions when they are sharing their responses.

Powerfully charismatic couples are always there to listen to their partner whenever they need to talk. They know that they have each other’s emotional support and that their partner is not a burden for them.

They seek ways to help each other relieve stress and sometimes it is going on walks together or watching a movie.

By this, I also mean they are a good sounding board even when either of them needs to rant or vent.

A partner who is powerfully charismatic will be interested in spending time listening to their significant other’s problems; they will choose their partner as a priority. They want to listen and support their partner if they see them struggling.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

Listening is a super skill, and it’s one that has the power to transform the way we see one another. When you listen to your partner, you give them space to express themselves and you give yourself an opportunity to see them in a different way. In turn, it allows them to afford greater trust in you and see you as a supportive element in their life.

Listen to listen and understand, not just to respond.

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6. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Know Each Other’s Love Language

“We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.” — Gary Chapman

Powerfully charismatic couples know each other’s love languages.

For my friend Marvin and Miranda; Marvin gets Miranda a thoughtful gift as often as possible, and Miranda leaves him cute sticky notes in random places reminding him how much she loves him and what a treasure he is.

Miranda’s primary language is gifts, while Marvin’s is words of affirmation.

There is a total of 5 categories;

• Words of Affirmation
• Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

Take the love languages quiz with your partner. Find out each other’s primary love languages, and for one month, focus on doing activities recommended to make them feel great. You will experience your love growing into a powerfully charismatic love.

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7. Powerfully Charismatic Couples Are Intimate

“Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” — Anonymous

True intimacy isn’t what many people think it is.

Intimacy involves both physical and emotional connection characterized by the atmosphere or feeling of openness and closeness towards someone else.

This feeling is not necessarily sexual. Intimacy in interpersonal relationships is primarily created through conversation.

That is why intimacy can thrive even in long-distance relationships.

According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. Passion encompasses drives connected to both limerance and sexual attraction.

How you can adopt this for your relationship;

True intimacy begins in the heart and mind. Aim to be more intimate with, and emotionally connected to your partner.

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As I have mentioned before, I do not know it all. I only speak from personal experience and that of others I am privileged to learn from. Take my advice with a pinch of salt, knowing there isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to love.

“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” — Vincent Van Gogh

It does not take much to become a powerfully charismatic partner. It takes two people in a relationship who are willing to do the best they can to be the best lovers that they can be to each other.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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