The Best Dating Advice Is Shockingly Simple

The best dating advice is shockingly simple. It’s so surprisingly simple that I laughed when a man I know uttered it. Why? Let me explain.

I’ve spent years in research, counseling, and writing about love and relationships. I’m a freelance journalist, former business columnist turned national relationship columnist.

I examine the complexities of love and relationships.

I’ve often said love isn’t as complicated as it looks.

It’s like parenting. There are simple tenants of parenting. The principles that make it easier. The problem? We spend our days in the weeds of parenthood.

We are surviving.

We’re barely getting by because we’re overwhelmed, pulled in many directions, and doing our best. It’s not parenting that’s complicated.

It’s life that gets in the way of us utilizing those tenants and consistencies. It is physical fatigue and emotional exhaustion. It’s our hearts and all of the things that make us human.

We can get in our own way.

The Best Dating Advice Is Shockingly Simple

The best dating advice reminds me of the parenting analogy.

It dumbs down the complexity of relationships. The entanglements of our hopes. The messiness that our hearts invite into love. Because we become invested. We become emotional.

We decide we want this person.

This is our one and only love.

And in doing so, we often choose to look beyond certain behaviors.

The Only Dating Advice You’ll Ever Need

Enough with the background, I think you get the point that I’m making.

It’s less complicated than we think.

Here’s what my guy friend said about dating…

A bunch of us live in the same apartment building. A group of us are having a glass of wine together. We’re all divorced. One of the girls is talking about a man she’s been dating.

He’s sending her mixed signals.

It’s leading to heartbreak and confusion but she doesn’t want to give up on him.

“If a guy isn’t telling you ‘f*ck yes,” says my friend. “He’s telling you f*ck no.”

Our guy friend is schooling us.

He’s watching out for us girls.

He’s delivering a blunt message. He wants us to understand what men we should invest in, and what men we should walk away from. Do not settle for a man who doesn’t look for us or prioritize us.

Duly noted…got it!

His words make us laugh.

He’s not wrong.

It’s a great delivery, unforgettable really…a guy is either f*ck yes or f*ck no.

It’s simple.

If a man you’re dating is routinely inconsistent it’s a red flag.

If his texts are sporadic, if his calls are random and in-between, if he’s available to see you sometimes but rarely available other times. If his words say one thing but his actions say another.

If a man you’re dating is sending you mixed messages.

If he’s sending any other message than…I am 100% totally into you…he’s NOT 100% into you. You have your answer. It’s not complicated. It’s time to move on and date someone else.

The same goes for a woman.

If a man is dating a woman who isn’t saying, “F*ck yes…she’s telling him F*ck no.”

And honestly, the same goes for marriage. We deserve to be in love with someone who sends us a consistent message. A solid and predictable signal of love.

The best dating advice is shockingly simple.

It’s just hard to remember.

Because of the messiness our hearts invite into love.

We’re human.

We want to make excuses when we are dating someone we want. We want to keep dating the person our heart wants. Even when we shouldn’t. Even when we should be telling them…

F*ck no.

Because we all deserve a F*ck yes kind of love.