The Call: A Year Later

It’s been a year since a significant decision was made — to truly pursue a connection with someone who had captured my attention in some unexpected ways. He was a treasured friend with a flirty connection and we shared a few hot makeout sessions before the pandemic locked us apart for weeks.

An opportunity to see one another “in real life” was something we were more than ready for when the call came. On the drive to see him, my mind explored my options wondering about the implications of allowing myself to feel all that he brings to my heart, exploring the electricity he brings to my body, and finally being fully who I am. Everything about this man beckons my soul to surrender to all that he is — to all we could be together.

Deciding to explore our connection to the fullest extent on whatever pathway we find before us was not difficult. My heart wanted to give him space to meet me in those moments as it fits his life, needs, and desires. Learning to be honest and forthright with my thoughts, feelings, and desires was more of a challenge for me.

I determined to love him with all of me just for the sake of the experience, perhaps driven by the questions that echoed deeply in my soul, “What if I let someone see all of me? What if I only choose love and reject fear? What if I choose to believe that he was sincere when he said he wanted all of me?”

Thinking back to those shared moments, the intensity of the desire and the depth of my need to physically belong to him is still shocking. We both figured a makeout session was on deck after several weeks apart, but the turn of events that afternoon and how absolutely consuming the desire became in the heat of the moment was surprising to us both.

It would be easy to say those moments endangering the structure of a table were just lust fanned in the fires of separation, but that theory has not withstood the test of time. There is no doubt that lust and long overdue release played a part in the need we both experienced, but the heart matter is much more robust and runs so much deeper.

All these months later — all the shared experiences — all the passionate moments — all the ridiculousness that makes us who we are together — my desire and need for him has not waned not even the tiniest little bit. In fact, it has gone to a depth I did not know was even possible for both of us.

Thinking back over a year of play together has been fun. There is only joy in this shared space. The play has been so much fun and filled with intense pleasure, but it has also brought deep healing and restoration.

I have learned about my body but also about my heart and how much my sexual experiences are bound to my view of self and the world around me. I have known pleasure and pain, longing and satisfaction, desire and fulfillment in ways I could not comprehend before. We have created a place where we can explore all of who we are — even those places that have caused shame in our lives previously.

There is a spiritual connection when we are together that our bodies simply respond to the other as if we were always meant to connect in these ways. This deep abiding space between us is truly an overflow of our relationship as a whole. There is so much yet to share together — so many things to explore and experience together. That list never gets shorter as things keep being added as we share this adventure.

And a year later — the deep longings — to belong to him, to have his hands on me, to feel his strength, to be his safe harbor, to know his heart and share mine, to love him with the best of me, to know and experience all of him — all of that remains. If the same opportunity were to present itself today, I have no doubt I would beg him once again to make me his.

Best choice ever….

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