In America today, about 63% of adults identify as Christian. This is a drastic drop from the 1990’s, when the percentage of adult Christians was around 90%, however, the study accounts for adults raised in religious households who left organized religion, or other methods of disaffiliation.

There isn’t an arm of Christianity untouched by scandal of one form or another; Catholic priests and altar boys, Mormons and child brides, Baptists and sexual abuse. There are numerous threads on social media sites which exist solely to keep track of religious leaders who are arrested and what their charges are.

This is a part of Christianity we’ve all heard about, and it isn’t even headline news anymore. It’s sometimes not reported about at all, especially if the offending clergy member has a long reach in the community.

What isn’t talked about often is the business of religion. With Trumps’ announcement of Pete Hegseth as the Secretary of Defense nomination came the discovery of ties to religious organizations like the Association of Classical Christian Schools and the Communion of Reformed Evangelical Churches.

Aside from their views on sexual orientation, gender, and roles within marriage being clearly defined by the Bible, one commonality among the “Classical Christian” education is the belief that Theology is the cornerstone of learning. So what does that mean, exactly? It means children are educated in schools accredited by these groups, by educators trained by these groups, with materials sold by these groups, and diplomas recognized mostly only by these groups.

Who is sending their children to these “schools”?

Popular with the home-schooling crowds and conservative Christian parenting groups, classical Christian learning materials are meant to educate children in the “Christian approved” sciences, math, and language arts fundamentals. Furthering their educational monopoly, students may go on to study in technical Christian programs, obtain an undergrad degree in language or humanities, or simply go on to Plant Churches.

The process is quite simple once it’s boiled down to the basic parameters. Classical Christian schools are certified, staffed, accredited, and funded by the same clergymen giving sermons and bookkeeping for the church with zero oversight by the IRS, PTA, or CHEA. In fact, it’s not considered a college preparatory education, choosing to forego the SAT and ACT for theology-based testing materials.

Educators and their Credentials

It seems understood that students will learn about Christianity and mission work, with subjects like math, science, and history being offered in modified form as an elective option. This could be taught by a “certified” education specialist, which is someone who could pull together $500 for the necessary incorporation forms to start a “school”, or an expert level Classical Christian educator with an intensive 4 month program under their belt.

Of course, that 4-month program is around $2,000, but could a Classical Christian education be obtained without that type of intense and costly training program? It could, however, this type of “administrator acceleration” program is “just one of the ways that we are elevating our schools by equipping leaders of startup schools and those in their first five years of operation”, says David Seibel, “Head of School at Coram Deo, Carmel, IN”.

The curriculum is an example in misogyny, particularly in training the educators. Some of the classes taught in the Summer Teacher Training Programs (yes, become an educator in Classical Christian Education in just one summer class under the direction of a Head of School) are aptly named for the beliefs being taught to children and “educators” alike. A sample Summer Teacher Training Course lists these lectures:

• Classical Christian Education: What’s It All About?
• Male and Female He Created Them: Teaching Boys and Girls in Today’s Culture
• Seven Laws of Teaching: Practically Speaking
• The Gospel and Grades
• The Heart of the Matter

In addition to creating, certifying, staffing, ranking, accrediting, and reviewing their school programs, Classical Christian education teams have also released a report which relates the percentage of students and alumni who are “Godly” and “not submitting to the myth of science” because of their invaluable formative years learning of parables and hymns instead of periodic elements and scientific hypothesis.

What career paths could Classical Christian education lead to?

There are a number of ways to continue the grift once a pupil receives their non-accredited diploma from one of these institutions. Some of the career paths include mission and ministry work in Indigenous communities and war-torn regions around the globe. Other career paths are based on a “who you know” system, and it is often said when a business owner is looking for clients, the pros join a church.
Another program listed in nearly all of the course directories published online is the journalism program. It would seem as though controlling the information read by the target community is highly important to these administrators, with nearly all of the college course listings online boasting a journalism program and available scholarships for the deserving pupil.

A brief look at the Freshman level studies at a Christian University shows they offer two classes:

“LIA 101 introduces you to the ACU community — who we are, what we believe, and how we live, including the process of discovering the purpose and calling for your life. LIA 102 begins the process of biblical worldview training as the foundation for a lifetime of “thinking biblically.”

A Bachelor of Arts in Theological Studies may be obtained with either full- time or part-time evening studies. ACCS is the accrediting body for these degrees as well, essentially signing off on the documents from kindergarten to Masters levels of study.

Don’t forget to insure your mission work before you embark

What good is a career if you can’t insure it in case of kidnapping or dismemberment? Persecution a concern of yours? There is an insurance agent who would love to speak with you about the fact that “an emotional injury claim is for non-economic damages that compensate a victim for the mental suffering of an injury.”

That’s right. An entire sect of insurance and legal representatives who can assist you with martyrdom for no additional fees after you pay your monthly premium. Be certain to obtain your quote today, and remember, Jesus asked for 10% pre-tax income.

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This post was previously published on April Hawkins, Ask A Bitchface.

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