“It’s OK for women to just want to be friends with guys.” This comment is by Christian on the post Relationship Intelligence for Men: Your Simple 12-Step Guide.
Really? I love this site and the article sounded great (and I’m sure it is) but the minute the author wrote “if you don’t have a spine, you’ll be tagged a ‘nice guy’ and relegated to the friend zone.” I immediately had to stop reading (and sigh) and write this comment. Doesn’t the author know that the ‘friend zone’ is a serious misogynistic double standard yet? While I understand the common, accepted and to some “harmless” use of the term, the author saying that only reinforces the idea that it’s not ok for women to just want to be friends with guys. Frankly, I am proud to have been “friend-zoned” by many ladies because I never go into a relationship expecting something more… Maybe hoping for something more… But if that doesn’t work out its ok. And I’m actually happy that I am friends with some women who I may at first looked at as potential lovers.
Anyhow, the term friendzone is widely used to back the idea that when I guy wants a romantic relationship, and a women invites him to lunch, or the begin a rapport, there is something necessarily wrong with the guy when said women doesn’t want that same romantic relationship. WHICH IS RIDICULOUS. There doesn’t have to be something wrong with that guy. That woman might just not be interested… This is mysoginistic because guys expect women to want romantic or sexual relationships with them and then when it’s not reciprocated, they say “friendzone” and shun the uninterested woman. This also backs the idea that all women are just for men’s pleasure… So, I really hope this author will do some research and see more (there are people who explain it much better than I have) about why that term is so problematic.
A potential fan
Photo: M Yashna / flickr
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