The Hidden Danger of Dating an Ambitious Guy

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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

You started with three different adjectives: driven, motivated, ambitious. Those three things are not necessarily synonymous with kindness.

Question from B

This question is from B. She says, “Hello, Matthew. I recently started listening to your podcast, and can I just say you and the crew are relatable, refreshing, and encouraging. So, thank you. I do have a question for you, if you don’t mind answering. I’m from the San Francisco Bay area, and I’m what some have called an alpha woman. I am independent, graduated from a great university, started a career, and became a homeowner at a young age. I’m seeking a partner who is also driven, motivated, ambitious, and kind. I have noticed that I tend to attract gentlemen who ask me out who are beta. Apologies, I do not mean to say this in a derogatory way, but men who do tend to look for caretakers, take the backseat in a relationship, and might even try to take advantage of my giving heart and financial ambition. I am not attracted to men like this. Any tips to attract a man who I’d consider an equal in kindness, drive, and ambition? Think power couple. Is it truly just a numbers game, or is there something I’m missing? Also, for the record, while I am independent, I’m also very feminine, kind, and generally fun to be around. I don’t want any of the comments above to be misconstrued as snobby.” And that is from B.

Well, thank you for the question, B, and the vulnerability in asking it. This is the kind of question that makes me want to ask you five more questions to try to get a little more precise with my answer and understanding what might be going wrong.

Let’s just start from the place of saying dating is always to some extent a numbers game, and the answer to many things can be to have some patience because over time, if you’re proactive, life will put people in front of you who could be right for you. So there is that element of it being a numbers game. You sound like you’re in your 20s, and there’s time. Your peer group is evolving; it’s going to change a lot.

So, if I found someone who had those things – ambition, drive, motivation, and purpose – but doesn’t have to have money, that’s an important distinction to make. So that means you know what it is you’re really asking for. Once you start to meet more people like that, you can meet more people like that. Make friends with them, get to know the people that person knows because they will likely know other people like them. So, finding new communities, fresh ones, not the ones you’re in already, is a good starting point.

Put yourself in those places proactively and be patient with it. This idea of networking, I’m more into building relationships with people and getting to know people from the kinds of walks of life that you want to be around.

And if you want to go deeper and you’re enjoying this content, joining the Love Life Club is where I do structured programs and sessions that can help you in a deeper way. You can sign up for a free trial at joinlovelife.com. I look forward to seeing you there. Don’t forget to like the video, subscribe to this YouTube channel, and leave me a comment letting me know what you thought. Thank you for watching this video.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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