Everything was awkward, everyone was tense, and I recall thinking there was no backtracking from this. I also remember it was a lovely, sunny Saturday afternoon and I was “third-wheeling” my friends Sarah and John.
Third-wheeling is where a wanted friend spends time with a couple. Ignore all those other definitions, especially this one from Cambridge Dictionary, which claims that a third-wheel is someone who is not wanted or needed in a situation, especially someone who is present with two other people who are in a romantic relationship.
That afternoon, Sarah excitedly pointed out a beautiful colored butterfly that she thought John should see. I caught a glimpse of it as it fluttered its wings and flew away but John missed it.
They then got into a bitter argument where Sarah accused John of failing her bird test. And supposedly that was an indication that he might cheat on her in due time.
The sunny day turned cloudy for this third-wheeler, but eventually turned even sunnier than it had been before. And I really understood the importance of active listening and genuine attentiveness which Sarah and John say are the cornerstone of their relationship.
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What is active listening?
According to Verywell Mind, Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them.
It requires being an active participant in the communication process.
To me, active listening is vital skill for enhancing communication and fortifying relationships, and is akin to a captivating magic act in the world of interpersonal connections.
I think being an active listener makes you highly irresistible in relationships.
It involves immersing oneself in a partner’s words, genuinely comprehending their perspective, and creating a profound sense of connection.
Sarah and John swear by active listening. These two are committed to actively hearing each other out, and their relationship shines because of it.
Here are 8 fascinating habits that they practise as extraordinary active listeners.
1. Active Listeners Give Their Full Attention To Their Partner
The magic of active listening begins with giving your partner undivided attention.
For Sarah and John, this means stashing their phones, silencing the TV, and locking eyes when they engage in conversation.
This simple act is like opening a portal to a world of genuine connection, where the other person is the only audience that matters.
They told me they usually take time during the Friday sunset to map out their weekend plans. And just the day before, John, with his phone securely tucked away, gave Sarah his full attention.
He listened intently to her ideas and dreams for the weekend, all while maintaining eye contact.
His presence said more than words ever could, and Sarah felt truly heard and valued.
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2. Active Listeners Do Not Interrupt Their Partners
In their mesmerizing act of active listening, Sarah and John maintain an unwritten pact — no interruptions.
They wait patiently for the other to complete their thoughts before responding.
This skill keeps their conversations harmonious and respectful, emphasizing that their partner’s voice matters.
For example, if John were sharing the intricacies of a challenging day at work. Sarah, following the unwritten rules of their pact, would listen attentively without a single interruption.
She does not rush to provide a solution or share her own experiences. Instead, she waits until John concludes his narrative, making him feel respected and cherished.
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3. Active Listeners Ask Their Partner Questions
Active listeners in relationships are adept at this, using questions to showcase their genuine interest in one another’s thoughts and feelings.
Through this skill, they unearth deeper layers of understanding and demonstrate profound empathy.
My current partner is great about this. He is ever the inquisitive listener, posing thoughtful questions whenever I share about something.
These inquiries are not mere expressions of curiosity; they are bridges that connect our worlds and help me to process my emotions.
Active listeners ask questions.
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4. Active Listeners Validate Their Partner’s Feelings
In the theater of active listening, acknowledgment is the key to authenticity.
Active listeners excel at validating each other’s feelings, letting their partner know that their emotions are recognized and accepted. This level of emotional resonance is the bedrock of their relationship.
Sarah and John shared about a deep discussion about a recent disagreement they had navigated.
John, embracing the art of validation, acknowledged Sarah’s feelings and sincerely apologized for his part in the disagreement. In turn, Sarah felt truly heard and understood.
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5. Active Listeners Do Not Judge Their Partner
Active listeners in relationships do not pass judgment.
Their conversations are a safe space where each can express themselves freely without fear of criticism. This open and accepting environment invites authentic expression.
Sarah once confessed to John about an error she had made at work.
As she poured out her tale, John simply listened, not a hint of judgment in his gaze.
His empathetic response made Sarah feel comfortable sharing her vulnerabilities, and created a safe space for him to do the same.
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6. Active Listeners Repeat Back What They Heard
Sarah and John, the masterful listeners, employ a clever psychological technique called reflective listening.
This skill ensures that both partners are on the same page, confirming a shared understanding.
An example of this was a time when John was recounting the intricate details of a project he was working on.
Sarah, displaying her reflective listening prowess, repeated back the key points to ensure she grasped John’s perspective correctly.
This left John feeling secure in her understanding and brought their connection to a higher octave.
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7. Active Listeners Love and Support Their Partner
In the grand theater of active listening, the most profound acts are those of love and support.
Sarah and John uplift each other during their conversations, offering words of encouragement and collaborating to find solutions to problems. It’s a heartwarming display of partnership.
Active listeners help each other brainstorm solutions to whatever predicament they might find themselves in. And both parties feel supported and deeply valued.
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8. Active Listeners Follow Up With Their Partner
Active listeners check in with each other, ensuring that their partner’s thoughts and feelings are still in focus.
It is a heartwarming way to demonstrate commitment and care.
For example if your partner has shared about a difficulty they are facing, you could empathise, and then the following day do a follow-up. Ask them how they are feeling or if there is anything more they want to share.
It is a sweet reminder that your partner is cared for and valued.
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Final Thoughts
Active listening is a powerful tool for enhancing communication and nurturing relationships.
By mastering these eight habits — giving undivided attention, avoiding interruptions, asking questions, validating feelings, withholding judgment, employing reflective listening, showing support, and following up — anyone can create a profound bond with their partner.
Like Sarah and John, your relationship can become a masterpiece of genuine connection, built on the foundation of active listening.,
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And Now Your Thoughts
Is your relationship built on the foundation of active listening? Please share your experience in the comments section.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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