I have done a lot of work to become better.
There is still so far to go.
Do I still hurt?
More than ever.
I lean into my hurt and do nothing to numb.
I want to feel every feeling.
Do I still have bouts of internal emotional chaos?
Fuck. Yes.
I’ve attained, at times, the most emotional stability I’ve ever felt, so the chaos feels even more volatile.
Do I still fuck up?
Absolutely.
I am human. And I fail so I can learn.
Do I get upset with myself?
No doubt.
I know better, but do the best I can in the moment.
Do I still project my hurts onto others?
Hurt people hurt people.
The positive in my journey is that the severity, magnitude, and length of my battles are much improved.
I recognize improvement by the relative control…
… which was once complete abandon of reason, unleashed uncontrolled anger, and absolute rage.
I am still learning how to create effective and healthy boundaries to enable my best interest.
I am still learning how to accept pain in others around me, without being engulfed by its grasp.
I still must manage human emotions and feelings because I am human.
I am not above or better than anyone.
I am only better than I once was.
I continue to journey.
The journey to perfect begins with better.
Every challenge shows me who I am so that I can address those areas which need to be addressed.
Down but not out.
Never.
This process is a journey. Not a destination.
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This post was previously published on mikekitko.com.
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Photo credit: Jonathan Weisson Unsplash
