“The joy you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.” – John Greenleaf Whittier
Today, I want to tell you guys a brief story. I believe that while many if not all of you have similar stories, this is mine.
My aunt was an amazing woman. Uncommonly beautiful, she won beauty pageants as a younger woman. Intellectually brilliant, she was a registered nurse. Ambitious, she was the head nurse at a kidney dialysis clinic at the relatively young age of 32. Deeply loving, every person she ever met – my sister and I especially – was crazy about her.
One of the biggest crimes against humanity was that nobody ever had the privilege to call her “mom.”
I was seven years old on December 1, 1984. On that date, Alabama’s underdog football team upset Bo Jackson’s Auburn squad 17-15. My aunt and uncle were huge Bama fans. As was so often their want, they decided to celebrate the win with some retail therapy and a nice dinner.
On their way to town, their car was clipped by a drunk driver sending them careening and flipping end over end into a ditch. Neither one survived.
Most of us have a thick wall build up in front of us designed to keep us from being vulnerable. I believe the only way to really experience joy is to start chipping away at that wall.
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Nobody that I ever knew lived their life for their purpose more than my aunt. My family history would have been a lot different if they never got in the car that day. I know my life would have been a lot different.
I believe that day stole my joy. That day stole my joy for a long time. Even now, more than 30 years later, I’m still trying to find it.
Here’s the punchline to that story: my aunt’s name was Joy.
When it comes to personal development and transformational work, joy seems to be the holy grail. The golden treasure of change. But how can we find it? Where is it?
I believe that true joy comes from within. I know, so much of this work is about improving from the inside out. And keep in mind, joy and happiness are different sides of the same coin.
It’s time for a question.
How do you feel when your favorite team clinches a championship?
Speaking from experience – I felt a great deal of happiness after my Crimson Tide beat Clemson for the National Championship this past season. But make no mistake about it, that was happiness I felt. While I indeed bleed Crimson, it wasn’t the result of something I did.
Let’s flip that coin.
How many of you are parents?
Personally, I’m not a parent of a human child. I consider my dog like a child, but he’s not a human child.
But I did birth a book into the world. Written in the Stone was the culmination of a 30-plus-year-long dream come true. I put in more than five years of work crafting and writing that book. Five years of blood, sweat, and tears, but a lifetime of my soul.
When I received my proof copy, I absolutely felt like I was holding my child in my hands. I cried for a solid two hours, then for several days afterward.
Without a doubt, that was joy. It was something that I did. It was my way of being that led me to accomplish that. And it felt damn good to make that happen.
I am working on another book now. Be patient, though…
There’s usually an incident in a kid’s life before the age of seven that teaches them that the world isn’t safe, that joy isn’t possible, that life has to be a difficult slog.
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Back to my original story.
That life has to be like the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan.
It really doesn’t. Life isn’t easy, this is true. But life can be fun. Life can be happy. And yes, life can be joyful.
Joy isn’t easy to find. But when you do find joy, it can be exhilarating.
But joy can also be scary. Why lean into joy when it can be taken away at the drop of a hat?
As renowned speaker and social worker Brene Brown writes,
“When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.”
Most of us (myself included) have a thick wall build up in front of us designed to keep us from being vulnerable. I believe the only way to really experience joy is to start chipping away at that wall.
I would love to support you in this. We can chip that wall away together.
Follow me on twitter at twitter.com/ryanhallwrites. Check out my website: team-ryan.team. Or shoot me an email at [email protected].
If you’d like some support in finding joy in your life, reach out to me and we can schedule a free sample session to see if coaching could be a good fit in your life.
Let’s spread some joy in the world. I believe Aunt Joy would have it no other way.
Photo by Rigor Mortisque
Great story! I believe joy isn’t a place, it’s a way of life! See joy in small things.