The Lie That Fixes Everything

Some mornings, the only reason I got out of bed was a kind, well-crafted lie like, “They really didn’t mean to hurt me.” “I’m fine” and “This is just temporary” (to mention a few). And yes, I know these unglamorous, flimsy lies are definitely not long-term solutions, but when things fall apart, they might just be the only things holding us together.

We don’t usually lie to ourselves because we are delusional, it is just that sometimes the truth in its unfiltered form can be a bit heavy to bear all at once. Again, sometimes just surviving the day matters more than a confrontation with the full truth head-on.

The most popular lie on earth

I have come to discover that “I’m fine” holds this prime position. People can say it with a (tight) smile while quietly spiraling internally. Sadly, it many times denies us the much-needed comfort we could have gotten from people who really care about us because it also says,
“Don’t dig.”

This makes “I’m fine” like a double-edged sword: a protection from hard questions we are not ready to answer just yet, but it also shuts the door on support we might really need.

Those you say it to have little choice but to let you pretend:
“You’ve got this.”

Luckily, “I’m fine” sometimes works because the simple act of saying it out loud can give you just enough strength to fake it and a little time to heal. Just note, however, that faking it forever turns into emotional exhaustion, which eventually turns into emotional disconnection.

Also worth mentioning is my second favorite, which I call the lie of hope:
“This is only temporary.”

This is one we tell ourselves, for instance, when a relationship loses its spark. We tell ourselves that it is just a passing phase to get the permission to not panic, but what do you know? Many a time it really is temporary, and the lie works just long enough to become the truth.

At other times, however, it just keeps us going until the time we are ready to face the reality that it isn’t working, and we need to make a change. So, either way, this lie holds power because it is kind, even if it is not necessarily honest.

“A double-edged sword: a protection from hard questions we are not ready to answer just yet, but it also shuts the door on support we might really need.”

So…are they dangerous?

In the short term, these tiny acts of self-preservation keep us going when we need that little room to breathe, which is something we can all acknowledge, because even though the world loves to shout about brutal honesty, most of us have survived heartbreak, grief, or burnout with the help of a few gentle untruths.

In the long term? Honestly, they can be. If you immerse yourself in them for too long, you may just be living a life that is quietly killing your spirit.

CAVEAT: When these lies overstay their welcome, they will start reshaping how we see ourselves. Consequently, psychologists warn of a state of cognitive dissonance, which is a sort of uncomfortable gap between what a person believes and how they behave. Usually it involves twisting the truth a little (sometimes a little too far) just to keep their self-image intact. They, therefore, warn that it can slowly lead to self-deception and denial.

Always remember that the trick is to know when the lie has done its job and when it’s time to trade it in for something more honest, even if that honesty arrives in pieces.

“Many a time it really is temporary, and the lie works just long enough to become the truth.”

When truth can wait, but healing can’t.

One undeniable truth is we all lie to ourselves. This does not necessarily make us weak. Especially as, in reality, we are trying to be strong because sometimes the only way out is through, and the only way through is with a lie that makes it more bearable to push through.

“Even though the world loves to shout about brutal honesty, most of us have survived heartbreak, grief, or burnout with the help of a few gentle untruths.”

If you happen to be carrying one of these kind lies today, I would like to let you know that you are not necessarily some avoidant, self-delusional, crazy cookie: you are just being human.

Please feel free to share this story with someone who’s “fine.” They’ll get it.