The Loneliness We Don’t Talk About

The holidays are wrapped in glittering ribbons of joy, love, and togetherness — or at least that’s what the movies, the commercials, and your Instagram feed tell you.

Thanksgiving spreads with laughing families, Christmas mornings with matching pajamas, New Year’s Eve kisses under a shower of confetti. For some, this is the dream.

For others, it’s a slap in the face.

We rarely confront the fact that the holiday season, so universally branded as the most wonderful time of the year, can also be the loneliest. It’s the season of “shoulds”: You should be with family. You should feel joy. You should have plans.But what happens when you don’t? What happens when you’re alone, not by choice but by circumstance?

The truth is, many people are navigating this season without a table to sit at, without a call from a loved one, and sometimes without the mental energy to pretend it’s okay.

The Privilege of Holiday Traditions

To have a family to gather with, friends to laugh with, or a partner to celebrate with is an extraordinary privilege — one that’s easy to overlook when it feels like the norm.

But for every crowded holiday table, there’s someone sitting alone in their apartment eating takeout, wishing they could join in the magic.

Maybe they’ve just moved to a new city for a job they couldn’t pass up. Flights home cost more than their paycheck can handle, or their boss said, “Sorry, we need you here through New Year’s.” Others might be estranged from their family or grieving the loss of a loved one who made the holidays feel alive. And some are simply battling the relentless, quiet storm of depression — a pain that the twinkle of holiday lights only seems to intensify.

The New Reality of the Holidays

The world is changing, and so are our holiday traditions.

People are moving further away from their hometowns.

Work schedules have grown more demanding, and travel expenses skyrocket the second we hit November.

Some people have to choose: Thanksgiving or Christmas? Two days at home or none at all?

And then there are the invisible struggles.

For the recently divorced, widowed, or broken-hearted, the holidays bring a deafening silence where there was once laughter. For those who’ve lost parents, partners, or children, it’s a time that reminds them of what they can’t get back.

Depression Dons a Santa Hat

Depression doesn’t take time off for the holidays.

In fact, it often punches harder.

Studies show a spike in loneliness and mental health struggles during this season. The world around you is aggressively joyful, and if you’re not in that headspace, it’s isolating. You scroll through endless posts of holiday celebrations, wondering if you’re the only one spending Christmas morning in your pajamas with no one to call.

We say things like, “The holidays can be hard for some people,” but it’s often in passing, like a disclaimer in the fine print.

What if we actually sat with that idea for a moment?

What if we stopped assuming everyone is basking in holiday cheer and started reaching out?

Do More Than “Check In”

If you know someone spending the holidays alone, don’t just send a text that says, Thinking of you!

That’s nice, sure, but it’s also the bare minimum.

Invite them over.

Bring them a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers.

Schedule a coffee date between Christmas and New Year’s. Be the reason they don’t feel like an afterthought in the season of togetherness.

Sometimes people don’t ask for company because they don’t want to feel like a burden.

Be the person who makes the first move.

And if you can’t physically be there, make your presence known in meaningful ways.

A Season of Radical Empathy

The holidays don’t have to look the same for everyone, and that’s okay.

What’s not okay is letting the loneliness of others go unnoticed because it’s inconvenient to address.

When you’re surrounded by joy, family, and friends, take a moment to recognize the privilege of it all.

And if you’re the one spending the holidays alone, know this: Your value isn’t measured by the number of people around your table. It’s okay to feel the ache. It’s okay to cry into your mug of cocoa. But don’t let yourself believe that this season, or this feeling, defines you.

Because if the holidays are about anything, they’re about love — the kind you give and the kind you deserve.

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Hi, I’m Fiona, a writer going through an unexpected chapter in life.

I lost my job in April 2024, and my husband and I have been getting by on his small medical residency income. After stepping away from IVF, we were surprised and overjoyed to find ourselves pregnant, but it’s added financial stress as we prepare for this new journey.

Writing is my way of contributing to our family while covering essentials like groceries, bills and maybe items for our 🌈 miracle baby.

If you’d like to support us, your kindness would mean the world — every little bit helps. $1, $2…Anything is appreciated. Donate here (Venmo).

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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